Many people struggle with a fear of verbal or non-verbal communication. How can you break down this barrier? It does not matter whether you are an extrovert or an introvert: in both cases, communication can be trained! How can you learn the rhetoric you need so much?
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Communication, an important item on your CV and in everyday life
People who do not practise speaking often find it hard to express themselves out loud. Unless you have a health condition such as a stutter, you can polish your communication skills.
Our tips for better conversation will help not only shy, unassertive people who live with anxiety, but also people who simply do not know what to talk about and want to get better at discussions.
The art of communication is not just for managers. It is useful for everyone. In some professions communication skills are hardly required (mainly manual jobs), while in others they are essential (presenter, journalist, teacher, press officer).
Of course, you need some natural aptitude to speak well. The good news, however, is that most people who communicate for a living had to learn how to express themselves. That is quite motivating, don’t you think? If you dream of becoming a journalist, for example, but struggle with the much-praised pleasant way of speaking, lack self-confidence and do not know the basics of the craft, you should study these areas and start working on your communication skills. In many jobs, enjoying your own development is one of the requirements for being hired.
What are communication skills?
Communication is one of the soft skills. It includes the art of verbal (spoken) and non-verbal (wordless) communication. Expressing yourself well benefits everyone.
“Genius in communication is the ability to be both totally honest and totally kind at the same time.”
John Powell, English film composer (1645–1713)
Types of communication
Verbal communication is divided into written and spoken. The two are closely linked, because the way we speak is shaped to a large extent by our vocabulary, which we undoubtedly gain mainly through reading.
Non-verbal communication includes body language. The most common signs of our state of mind are facial expressions, posture and what we do with our hands. A person’s gaze, limb movements and overall posture let us look into their soul.
How to improve your communication skills
Just as reading expands your vocabulary and writing skills, speaking strengthens your way with words. What does this mean? The best way to improve your communication skills is to speak as much as possible. In every situation. The more often you leave your comfort zone, the faster you move towards self-improvement.
What does this mean for you? It is quite clear: stop worrying over and over that you will embarrass yourself, and go and embarrass yourself. Standing still has never moved anyone forward. And remember that while you waste time hesitating and putting things off, your life is passing by. On their deathbeds, people regret what they did not do in life. So if you feel there is room for improvement in your communication and you would like to close the gap, start working on yourself straight away. Take the steps you need to make progress.
Communication skills, exercises
Go out among people as much as you can: to parties, balls and the pub. Use every opportunity to have a conversation: at work, at school, at the bus stop, in the street, in the shop. Sign up for communication courses. The same applies if you want to learn a foreign language, such as English. To improve how you speak, follow our advice.
These articles will help you:
- How to start a conversation naturally
- Be confident and expect miracles
- 7 tips: How to master verbal self-defence
- 10 tips: How to beat anxiety naturally
- 6 leadership methods and styles: Which one is yours?
- Questions for friends: How to get to know each other better
- 7 tips: How to give a good presentation
If you want to excel at communication, you need to gain self-confidence, like it or not. I am not saying you should become arrogant and act conceited. You just cannot be completely unassertive.
1) Do something crazy
Even if it feels embarrassing, start singing or dancing during a break at school or at work. The others will laugh and join in. You can do something similar in the street or at the supermarket.
Become a leader, a class representative. Organise the school leavers’ ball and hand out tasks by delegating. You can also volunteer as a helper if someone else takes on the role of leader.
If you are an introvert, pretend to be an extrovert. Many people who draw energy from within are masters at pretending to be talkative. And the best part is that people believe them.
2) Learn some clever lines
Notice how other people speak: the people you meet every day, or presenters and shop assistants, for example. For some of them it comes naturally, while others (the majority) have to fake their cheerful mood and witty remarks. A shop assistant who just stays silent and scans items is often not enough. If you want to sell something, you need to be good at verbal communication.
If you drop your coins and they roll in all directions, apologise and say: “They’re like they’re alive, aren’t they?” This lightens the situation and people will nod in agreement.
💡 Tip: Try personal development courses. Among other things, they will help you improve your communication.
3) Read, write and listen to podcasts
To express yourself well, you need to have read and listened to a lot. You also need to write something from time to time. Keep learning; for example, try a new journalistic genre. Read fiction (such as set books for school leaving exams), poetry, print and online media, and listen to the radio. Pay attention to how presenters and interviewees articulate and use rhetoric.
Read non-fiction too. The book How to Win Friends and Influence People did not appeal to me personally, but many readers praise it highly. Another guide that can help you improve your communication is It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It by Michael Parker.
Write blog posts, diary entries, short stories, poems and other genres. Send your work to literary competitions. All of this works on your ability to express yourself. You will then find words more easily, stumble less, and your speech will be more refined and fluent.
4) Play Activity
A great activity for better communication is Activity, a board game for everyone who enjoys guessing what others have drawn, acted out or described out loud within a time limit. As well as speaking, you also practise mime, which, as already mentioned, is a form of non-verbal communication.
5) Courses and internships
Sign up for an internship or a copywriting course, or offer your help at an advertising agency or a newspaper. With luck, you might land your dream job. Watch videos online that teach you how to become a more confident speaker.
6) Get used to speaking even when people you are not talking to are listening
If you struggle with unwanted ears trying to catch your conversation with someone, you simply have to get used to it. Build your self-assurance so that it does not bother you to have more listeners than you would like. Do not be ashamed of the opinions and emotions you share with others (both the person you are talking to and the uninvited listeners).
7) Film and record your speeches
Document your journey to becoming a confident speaker regularly, even if only for yourself. Record yourself on video so you know how you look when speaking. Practise in front of a mirror too. Do not use vulgar language, finish your sentences, avoid filler words and do not repeat words. Take on a personal challenge: publish your recordings on YouTube. Audio alone is enough at first, then you can add video. Over time you will see your own progress.
Simply put, you need to keep practising verbal and non-verbal communication over and over. Once you have mastered rhetoric, you can focus on your body language. Stand or sit up straight and avoid nervous movements.
Always try to speak in standard language. This will make it automatic, so you will not have to think about it next time. To always know what to say and have something to talk about, you need to know a lot about the topic. So take an interest in the world around you, so that you stay informed and do not get into trouble because you do not understand the issue. Simply put, try to be an expert in the area, ideally in all social topics (politics, geography, history).
So if you are going to record an interview, prepare your questions in advance. When you are interviewing someone, however, do not hesitate to move away from your planned questions. In other words, seize the opportunity when you learn something interesting from the person that will enrich the interview.
8) Read to children and tell stories
If you have young children in the family, there is nothing better than reading them a book, telling stories or reciting a poem. You can of course do this on your own, but it is better to practise in front of a live audience straight away. The great news is that children enjoy it even if you do not speak perfectly as a reader. This helps both their personal development and yours.
9) Give private lessons
Is someone struggling with a subject? Tutor them. This is also a way to earn money online. It might even turn into a nice side job or a full-time position, provided you work on yourself so you don’t get nervous about speaking in front of others.
10) Learn to be assertive
Your whole behaviour must radiate self-confidence. Don’t let anything throw you off and learn to say NO when that is how you feel. Don’t even think about promising anyone anything when your heart doesn’t want to do it. Be fair, learn to make your case and always back up your claims with facts. Defend your opinions without aggression, but with enough emphasis.
