Have you ever had to deal with a broken heart in your life? Anyone with a similar experience will confirm that although it is a psychological matter, they feel real pain. Put simply, it hurts like hell, seriously. Relationship coaches say that a broken heart is a universal experience accompanied by strong emotional distress and uncertainty.
🗣️ However, psychotherapist Jenna Palumbo stresses: The public believes that a broken heart is linked exclusively to romantic relationships, but that is not the case. Consider the following situations: the death of a loved one, losing a job, losing a good friend, a career collapse. All of them can leave you with a broken heart and the feeling that your life will never be the same again.
There are countless ways to heal a broken heart. We will focus on the more scientific ones, that is, those that would very likely be prescribed by, for example, psychotherapists. And there will be as many as 12 of them, so you have plenty to choose from! Perhaps you will find a cure for your broken heart here too!
💡 Tip: The basic, universal advice is to stop stressing unnecessarily. But that is easier said than done, especially at the beginning.
Table of contents
The biology of a broken heart, or why does it hurt so much?
There is no escaping it, and no way to speed it up. Healing a broken heart takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. But there are “helpers” which, once you adopt them, will move the process forward a little. The starting point is understanding what a broken heart really is. In the miniseries Angels in America, Al Pacino declares that “the heart is a tough muscle, it never bleeds”. So why do we feel as though it has shattered into a thousand pieces, even though from a medical point of view it cannot possibly break? Let’s look at the insights of renowned international magazines:
Emotional destabilisation after repeated rejection, according to Helen Fisher
In 2010, Helen Fisher, Lucy Brown and Debra Mashek published a paper entitled “Reward, Addiction, and Emotion Regulation Systems associated with Rejection in Love”, in which they examined ways of coping with the fact that someone keeps rejecting our love.
🗣️ Fisher noted: The human brain responds to emotional pain in the same way as to physical pain. That is why, when our heart is broken, we feel pain as if we had, for example, broken a leg. Apt sayings point to this too, such as “I feel as if someone has ripped my heart out”, “It’s as if someone’s hand has punched through my chest and squeezed my heart”, or “It’s like someone stabbed me in the back and then asked me why I’m bleeding!”. All these comparisons describe real pain.
According to Brown, “broken heart hormones” also play a role. This is not some teenage invention. Our body produces hundreds of different hormones every day, including the hormones of falling in love and “falling out of love”.
🗣️ Brown adds: Love is as addictive as a drug, mainly because it releases floods of oxytocin and dopamine, the so-called happiness hormones. The more in love we are, the greater their amount.
If we are rejected by the object of our desire over a long period, or when love suddenly fades (when our heart is broken), these hormone levels drop and are replaced by the stress hormone cortisol. Too much cortisol encourages a specific bodily response (preparing to fight or flee), which in the long term contributes to anxiety, nausea, acne and weight gain, all those unpleasant mental and physical symptoms associated with a broken heart.
Broken heart syndrome, can emotional heartbreak physically break the heart?
One thing is certain: the muscle does not split into two halves, as shown in many teenage photos. Nevertheless, “broken heart syndrome” is an official medical term. It is sometimes also called takotsubo cardiomyopathy or apical ballooning cardiomyopathy. It is a rare disease of the heart muscle whose symptoms resemble a heart attack (myocardial infarction), and it is triggered by severe emotional (but also physical) stress.
It occurs mainly in women and, BEWARE, it can even be life-threatening! What follows from this? That a broken heart can cause death.
The main symptoms of broken heart syndrome
- Acute chest pain,
- Shortness of breath,
- Dizziness,
- Hypertension,
- Loss of consciousness,
- Persistent weakness of the left ventricle.
Without prompt treatment, the symptoms above can lead to permanent damage or even death.
🗣️ Cardiologists warn: Up to half of patients with broken heart syndrome develop heart failure. Other complications include increased arrhythmia, blood clot formation and, rarely, rupture of the heart wall.
As you can see, those teenage photos of a split heart are not so far from the truth after all. In one case in 100, one of the heart’s ventricles can actually rupture. Fascinating, don’t you think?
12 tips, how to deal with a broken heart? Healing is slow and takes time!
Let’s work with what is obvious. My heart is broken. What do I do about it? It hurts terribly, I am at rock bottom physically and mentally, and according to scientific publications I am at risk not only of permanent (physical) damage but in extreme cases even death. That is not good, not at all. It is time to think about treatment and start it as soon as possible, before tragedy strikes. But which treatment should you choose? Medication? Or psychotherapy?
🗣️ Doctors advise: Try a combination of both!
Healing a broken heart requires a combination of medical and psychotherapeutic techniques. Don’t hesitate to observe your body’s reactions and check:
- Do you feel physically unwell?
- Is your heart pounding?
- Can’t you breathe properly?
- Do you cry until you are completely exhausted?
- Do you feel a strange pressure in your chest?
If so, you are dealing with physical rather than emotional symptoms, and these need to be treated with medication. I will tell you how later in the text. Sometimes time is enough, but sometimes it is better to give it a little help.
- Are you depressed?
- Do you feel incredibly unhappy?
- Do you not feel like living?
- Do you feel a sense of futility, as if life could not get any worse?
- Does nothing interest you, and is even the simplest task beyond you?
If so, you have textbook symptoms of an emotional breakdown, which respond to psychotherapeutic treatment. I will share a few tricks with you.
4 tips, how to heal a broken heart with medication?
What about a “physically” broken heart, that is, stress cardiomyopathy? Well, this imitation of an acute heart attack must first and foremost be recognised quickly and acted upon. Our heart is flooded with an excessive amount of adrenaline, which causes the heart’s ventricles to swell, and if treatment is delayed for long, they can even burst.
🗣️ Cardiologists explain: Acute cases must be hospitalised for at least 48 hours, with regular ECG and echocardiography (ECHO). Some patients cannot manage without medication.
💡 Tip: Don’t stress and be happy for a while!
Beta blockers (BB)
Medicines that lower the heart rate, the force of contraction and the conductivity of the heart muscle. They slow the supply of oxygen to the heart, thereby reducing the excitability of the heart walls and a racing heartbeat. For a “broken heart”, your doctor will most often prescribe:
- Sotalol (an antiarrhythmic),
- Betaxolol,
- Atenolol,
- Nebivolol,
- Talinolol.
ACE inhibitors (angiotensin-converting enzyme inhibitors)
They belong to the group of cardiovascular drugs. They prevent a repeated spasm of the heart muscle after an acute heart attack. In addition, they remodel hypertrophic changes in the blood vessels and arteries after a heart attack. They are given for arterial hypertension, heart failure, acute heart attack and diabetic nephropathy.
For a “broken heart” (in other words, an acute heart attack), your doctor will most often prescribe:
- Enalapril,
- Perindopril,
- Ramipril,
- Lisinopril,
- Fosinopril.
🎓 Did you know? In specialist publications, it is stated that ACE inhibitors simply lower blood pressure.
Diuretics
They treat cardiac insufficiency (in other words, heart failure). They relieve the overloaded heart and reduce peripheral vascular resistance, meaning they lower blood pressure. They also increase cardiac output per minute, which improves the performance of the heart muscle. They are prescribed for acute heart failure as well as arterial hypertension.
For a “broken heart”, your doctor will most often prescribe:
- Hydrochlorothiazide,
- Chlorthalidone,
- Chlorothiazide,
- Trichlormethiazide,
- Bendroflumethiazide.
Cardiac glycosides
Substances of plant origin that play an irreplaceable role in the treatment of heart failure. They are used when there is a need to strengthen the systolic function of a failing heart so that sufficient cardiac output is achieved.
The best-known substance in this group is digoxin. Doctors also prescribe:
- Digitoxin,
- Methyldigoxin and
- Strophanthin.
🎓 Did you know? For the treatment of a broken heart, doctors also prescribe anticoagulants (= medicines that reduce blood clotting) as a precaution, to prevent blood clots from forming.
8 tips, how can psychotherapy heal a broken heart?
Medication can treat the physical symptoms of a broken heart (the symptoms of broken heart syndrome), but not depression or a loss of interest in life. You need to work on these, even if right now you think you could die of a broken heart. Try not to give in to that feeling. For these, you need to call in experts who deal with the human mind. Do you know the most famous quotes about broken hearts?
- Hearts are made to be broken. (Oscar Wilde)
- To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. (Clive Staples Lewis)
- A person with a broken heart thinks that distance will heal it, but they are wrong. Time is the only constant, and for the living it never stops. (Stephen King)
- Love can fill your heart, then break it, and then heal that broken heart again. (Robert Fulghum)
A broken heart, love, the soul, vulnerability: they are all interconnected. You cannot heal effectively on your own, you need professional help. A psychologist will go through everything with you and give you an unbiased view of the situation. It is up to you to work purposefully on your recovery, for example:
- Talk to your “hurt inner child”,
- Look for opportunities to build inner resilience,
- Make plans!
- Write a list of your great qualities,
- Help non-profit organisations selflessly,
- Adopt a pet,
- Distance yourself from the event that broke your heart,
- Set aside time to grieve!
💡 Tip: Have motivational conversations with your psychotherapist and listen to their insights. They will help you make huge progress.
Step 1, give your betrayed inner self a voice!
If you have a childhood trauma, for example someone leaving you, your thoughts will go back to that time even in adulthood if the same thing happens to you again. You will feel like that little child again, abandoned by everyone around them.
🗣️ Psychologists point out: Do not fight negative feelings! Try striking up a conversation with your hurt inner child. Ask it questions: Why does it feel betrayed? What upset it the most? Does it long for a sense of justice?
When, as an adult, you reach the point where circumstances (or people close to you) break your heart, it is essential to focus on personal growth and taking care of yourself. For example, like this:
- Buy a soft cuddly toy and do not be embarrassed to fall asleep with it in bed.
- Eat every few hours (even if you are not hungry). A regular intake of nutrients is important.
- Put sleep ahead of other activities.
- Do not be afraid to see a psychotherapist and ask for help.
- Sometimes antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication can also help.
Step 2, look for opportunities to build inner resilience
Every day, the digital world of social media presents us with the idea that strong, independent people do not let sadness drag them down, that they rise above everything and even manage to cut their opponent to the quick.
Do not let yourself be ridiculed, and think logically! Being human means being swept along by emotions and giving in to feelings (including negative ones).
🗣️ Psychologists reassure us: As long as we are alive, we are vulnerable to painful emotions.
A broken heart catapults us into unexplored territory of discomfort and unpleasant feelings. This is a unique opportunity to learn to tolerate “difficult” emotions such as sadness, unhappiness, self-pity and despair. If we can manage to function more or less even in our darkest times, we will come out of the situation stronger and more resilient.
💡 Tip: Finding sources of motivation is essential for fighting our inner demons!
Step 3, plan ahead!
A common symptom of a broken heart is hopelessness. We do not feel like doing anything, life stops being enjoyable, and even the simplest tasks feel like climbing Mount Everest. We feel that we are useless.
In step 3, it is important to pick up a calendar (a blank sheet of paper will do) and start writing down what you want and need to do. Plan every small step ahead. And reward yourself for completing it. Your plan might include items such as:
- Plan a group trip,
- Visit a friend on the other side of the country,
- Sign up for a motivational course,
- Complete a meditation challenge,
- Start doing yoga.
🎓 Did you know? Do not expect every activity to be fun and joyful straight away. Grief often mimics depression, and it can be very hard to enjoy anything (especially at first). What matters is that you are trying.
💡 Tip: Creating a vision board will help you always see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Step 4, write a list of your great qualities
A break-up leaves you with a broken heart, feeling tarnished, insecure and without self-confidence. Blaming yourself and thinking about what you did wrong is common. But this can permanently damage your self-esteem and self-reflection, and you do not want that!
Think about all the great qualities you have. Write them down in a list and read it again and again every (!!) day. A cliché, you think? I disagree. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves how exceptional we are.
💡 Tip: If you are brave enough, do a detailed SWOT analysis of yourself. The results will show you what to change about yourself.
Step 5, help non-profit organisations selflessly
Volunteering is a great way to rebuild lost self-confidence. It shows you how much you mean to others, how you help them and change their lives for the better. All you need to do is find:
- A homeless shelter,
- A dog or cat shelter,
- An organisation that arranges foster care for animals,
- A care home,
- A school.
At all of these organisations you can offer your help for free. And every one of them will be overjoyed to have an extra pair of hard-working hands.
Step 6, adopt a pet
Caring for a small animal is a self-healing process. You will not believe how much love for that little one will grow in a heart you thought was trampled, broken and beyond repair. You will literally be overwhelmed with affection and adoration, I can assure you of that.
By the way, do you know the slogan of the Prague non-profit organisation “Don’t buy. Adopt!”? Consider taking in a cat or dog from a local shelter. This way you will gain a new friend and save the life of an animal that deserves a permanent home.
Step 7, distance yourself from the person who broke your heart
One of the most important steps to healing a broken heart is cutting off all communication with the person responsible for it. Do not call them, send them emails or communicate on social media. If they contact you, do not reply. You can even block them if you feel tempted to respond. Give yourself at least 90 days to distance yourself emotionally
🗣️ Psychologists add: If, for example, you share children or property, it is not possible to cut ties completely. However, try to limit interactions to those that are absolutely necessary.
If you feel the urge to get in touch with them, write an email, but do not send it!
Step 8, set aside time to grieve!
Real healing can only come when you allow yourself to experience your emotions instead of bottling them up. Set aside private time to think about the break-up. Do not be ashamed to cry; let the tears flow and use them to release your sadness and despair.
🎓 Did you know? You may notice that you spend less and less time grieving each day. Eventually, you will find that you hardly think about the break-up at all. At that point, you are ready to move on!
💡 Tip: During the grieving stage, it is a good idea to meet new people and refresh your circle of friends a little. You can also look, for example, on dating sites.
Read also our memento mori article.
