Do you feel awkward whenever you have to strike up a conversation with a stranger? Would you rather the ground swallowed you up? Small talk, a light conversation that deals with nothing important or serious, is a nightmare for introverts and extroverts alike.
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Awkward silence? Small talk
Imagine bumping into your neighbour in the lift. You know each other by sight and say hello, but you are not friends, so what would you talk about? The lift that normally takes you up to your flat in a minute suddenly crawls along at a snail’s pace. And so, during this endless ride, you think that even climbing to the sixth floor with a broken leg sounds more tempting than this awkward moment.
How do you turn an uncomfortable ride up to your flat into a bearable encounter? Small talk will help you. By complimenting your neighbour on the dolphin slippers he wore to pick up his post, you liven up the atmosphere. After a short exchange of trivial information about buying shoes and how, because he works from home, he has to wear slippers a size too big, the lift ride will fly by.
Small talk is not the villain among the different types of conversation. In certain situations, like our example, it can even be useful. This casual conversation about light topics, with which you will not offend the other person or flatter them, is used as a polite convention or to test out an unfamiliar social setting. Its purpose is breaking down barriers. Small talk can be compared to a handshake, in which we show openness and express interest.
What is small talk good for?
As the name suggests, small talk is a short conversation. So you do not have to talk for hours, just a few sentences will do. Small talk significantly improves relationships between people and is the foundation of human interaction. But you must not be annoying. What matters is that you make others feel good and perhaps even give them something through small talk.
Nobody wants to chat with an annoying neighbour for 5 minutes every day when all she ever talks about is whether so-and-so has mopped the floor. It gives you nothing and gets you nowhere. But if you always exchange 2 to 3 sentences about football with your neighbour and part with a smile, he will be happy to help you when you need it. You will simply have built that connection.
If you are learning a foreign language, small talk can teach you quite a lot. It is especially useful for picking up basic phrases or learning colloquial words. Once you have mastered the basic topics, you will easily get by even with a native speaker.
Small talk can be a challenge for introverts who hate striking up conversations with strangers. So how is it useful? Small talk works as an exercise for building self-confidence. Small compliments or remarks about the weather help even the biggest introvert come out of their shell.
💡 Tip: The following video will help introverts (and others) improve their small talk.
Even small talk has its rules
In small talk, it is important to respect that some topics are off limits. Do not forget that you are trying to talk with a stranger. That is why it is inappropriate to talk about topics that might upset the other person or that they do not want to discuss with just anyone. To avoid awkward situations, it pays to follow the rule “What I do not want to talk about, you do not want to talk about either.”
It is worth giving the following three basic topics a wide berth and avoiding them.
- Politics: You never know what views the other person holds, which party they voted for or what their stance is on the situation at home or in the world. That is why you should avoid any conversation on this topic.
- Family and very personal topics: From gossip you may have various pieces of information about the person you are talking to. Even so, never ask about their family situation or personal relationships.
- Social topics: Whether you are talking to a single mother, a pensioner or a follower of Pastafarianism, a conversation that would highlight this divide is not appropriate.
Small talk is not just about the weather
Small talk does not have to be boring chit-chat. The topic is what matters, and success depends on it. So if you choose dull conversations about the weather, you are guaranteed to bore the person you are talking to, and they will not even listen to you properly. Small talk like that is of no benefit to either side.
So how do you choose a topic of conversation? Remember the example of the neighbour in the lift. You would be staring at his slippers for the whole awkward ride anyway, so why not start a conversation about them? By complimenting them, you show interest, which breaks the ice.
To find a suitable topic, play detective. Observe the other person. Notice what clothes they are wearing. If they have a T-shirt with a band or a sports club on it, build on that. Talk about the place you are in. Feel free to complain about how slow the lift is.
Or choose a neutral topic for your conversation.
- Compliments: If you genuinely like something, compliment it. You will please the other person and they will build a better relationship with you. Do not be afraid to ask where they bought the piece of clothing or accessory you like.
- Travel: Comment on the means of transport taking you somewhere. For example, complain about a long train delay or that it is standing in the station for ages. Definitely do not start the conversation by asking where your fellow passenger is going.
- Culture: Imagine that you are at a festival, standing in the queue at a food stall. What better way to start small talk than with a question about film and music?
- Books: This topic is suitable if the person you are talking to really reads. Ask what book they are currently reading or whether they could recommend a good one.
- Children and pets: If you go to playgrounds or dog parks, you meet strangers. Do not be afraid to start small talk through the very thing that connects you. Start by complimenting the child or dog and the conversation will develop on its own.
- Weather: The lifebuoy among small talk topics that helps you make contact. Even so, you can capture interest with a topic as ordinary as the weather. Just mention an interesting fact about how unpredictable the weather is, or try comparing the current conditions with others.
💡 Tip: You can find inspiration in the following video, which goes through 30 questions for great small talk.
Do not underestimate the power of small talk
Not everyone is a fan of small talk, but think about it. If someone brushes you off with an inaudible nod or simply turns away, take that into account before you start criticising them. Other attempts of yours may be so successful that they move from everyday matters to a truly interesting conversation. Besides learning new things, you will gain an acquaintance or even a friend. Believe that once you get better at the art of small talk, you will gain more self-confidence and it will not be such a problem for you to start a conversation with strangers.
💡 Tip: Small talk can help you meet new people. But have you thought about trying icebreaker games for adults?
