Friends with benefits? It is a much-discussed way of describing relationships among young people. It sounds free, emotion-free and trendy. But is it all upside? Can a person control their feelings and keep a casual relationship going in the long term? I would say this topic is full of questions, and it is worth knowing the answers. In this article, we look at how friends with benefits works, what the rules are and which 6 problems can arise. ⬇️
Table of contents
How does a friends with benefits arrangement start?
In short, friends with benefits means two friends who have agreed to have sex with no strings attached. I deliberately wrote that they have agreed, because that is the most important part. You start this kind of relationship by talking about it, so you both know what you are getting into. Not sure how to win over a friend? The easiest, tried-and-tested way is to ask them out or start a conversation, for example on social media. On dating sites you will also often see the abbreviation FWB, which means the person is looking for, or more often ruling out, a friends with benefits arrangement.
What are the rules?
Set the rules in advance and, again, talk them through with the other person. It is essential that everything is clear. It will not work otherwise. You may find you have different views, which could become a problem later on. Say everything out loud and agree on specific rules. This will prevent misunderstandings and confusion later.
Friends with benefits rules:
- no emotions, no feelings
- no commitment
- freedom to start other intimate relationships
- no expectations
💡 Tip: These rules may seem easy, but the rule of no emotions and no feelings in particular is hard to keep. That is where most friends with benefits arrangements fall apart.
Why yes?
It gives you freedom: you can do whatever you like in your free time. You do not have to answer to anyone, and that goes both ways. You can start new relationships and meet new people. Unlike a one-night stand, you know who you are sleeping with and you know each other. Thanks to this, the sex can flourish and keep getting better. On top of that, it helps that you get on well and sometimes just go out together. That sounds fairly ideal, but is it sustainable in the long term?
Another plus is that, over time, friends with benefits can turn into a romantic relationship that leads to moving in together.
Friends with benefits works especially well when you are getting over a break-up and are not yet ready for another serious relationship, or when you want to focus fully on your career. You spend time with someone you like while enjoying casual sex. For a while, this can be a great way to avoid being alone and take your mind off things.
💡 Tip: Enjoy the film Friends with Benefits! Ideally, watch it together, it might spark an interesting conversation between you!
Casual relationship
This says it all. Perhaps we all want a casual relationship at first, but as usually happens, our views change over time. From my first experience, I know that a casual relationship is not easy to understand. Many things start to surface over time, and suddenly you say to yourself: “I don’t want it like this.” It can come from either side. It is worth considering that you will probably never get back to the level of friendship where it all began. That is quite a problem. Think about how much you really want sex with a friend if it puts your friendship at risk. Isn’t that the most important thing to think through?
Perhaps you are now wondering: “Is that the only downside? Should I risk it?” But friends with benefits can cause other problems too, which can damage this relationship and which you will have to face. Sadly, once a true friendship is lost, you can never get it back.
Problems with friends with benefits
The question arises: “Doesn’t it bring far more worries in the long run than positives?” This relationship is a temporary way to get through a certain period, but in the long term I consider it unsustainable. Feelings and our self-reflection can cause considerable confusion. We can end up in a frustrating situation with no idea how to find a way out. 6 problems that can arise:
1. Feelings
It is easy to say it should be free of emotions and feelings. But can you order yourself not to feel? As I touched on in the previous paragraph, it can come from either side. You may still feel free and uncommitted, while the other person is already full of emotions and romantic feelings. Have your feelings changed? Ask yourself whether you only want to be friends with benefits. Sort out your thoughts. A mind map, for example, can help with this.
2. A barrier to starting a new relationship
Another problem I see is that it may stand in the way of a new relationship. Let’s say you are enjoying friends with benefits and you are completely fine with the situation. Someone new may find it hard to understand, and it can negatively affect your dating. A new man may not want to understand how things are between you and may simply decide he is not interested.
3. Expectations
Even though this person is part of your circle of friends, do not have any expectations. Do not expect them to spend all their free time with you, to feel obliged to go to various events with you or to be there for you whenever you want. A casual relationship means neither of you expects anything extra from the other!
4. Jealousy
As we start other intimate relationships, we may later realise that we do not want to share our friend. This is followed by an unpleasant feeling linked to jealousy. This situation can seriously affect the friendship, and jealousy can deal a real blow to it. I recommend talking openly about everything, not suppressing your emotions and not trying to stay in it at all costs if you are unhappy.
5. A sudden end to the relationship
Because this relationship comes with no commitment and you can date with a clear conscience, for example through dating sites, you may find someone you want a proper relationship with. Of course, this works both ways. Suddenly someone appears in your life and you replace your friend, or you are the one replaced. This can hit our self-confidence and bring up all kinds of doubts: but why don’t they want us?
6. Sexually transmitted diseases
Because it is casual, each of you can sleep with whoever you want. Even when you are enjoying sex with a friend, be careful when it comes to protection. Frequently changing sexual partners carries risks related to sexually transmitted diseases.
Friends with benefits, yes or no?
✔️ Yes, it is great, especially if you are on the same wavelength. You can watch Netflix series together, go to events or share the same hobbies. The rules you set are up to you, but remember that there are basic rules that make up this unique relationship . The most important thing is to realise that this is one of your friends and that it will affect your future together, whether you like it or not. You may go into it expecting simply to enjoy casual sex with a friend. Unfortunately, some of the problems that can arise are hard to prevent.
❌ At first, it seems like something we definitely want. There is nothing wrong with that. Not feeling committed to another person is liberating; we feel free. Unfortunately, this kind of relationship does not last for ever, and you need to be prepared for that. Friends with benefits may only be a short-term thing. It opens up new ways to satisfy our personal needs and stay independent. Perhaps that is why this relationship is so popular. It offers room for sexual pleasure with absolutely no commitment. On the other hand, we cannot be sure of anything in this relationship.
