How to deal with a hysterical person? Don’t be afraid to leave the stage, psychologists advise

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Living with a hysterical person is like riding a rollercoaster. First you climb high, showered with love and care, only to plunge straight into an abyss full of reproaches and accusations. Dealing with someone on the verge of a hysterical fit is a skill worthy of admiration, and not everyone masters it.

🎓 Did you know? While some compare living with a hysterical person to purgatory, others can’t stop praising the “adrenaline” that floods their veins when dealing with such a person.

Psychologist Laura Janáčková describes life with a hysterical partner as “walking on very thin ice”. At the start of the relationship, everything is passionate, thrilling and full of emotion, which can excite the other partner (the calm one). But once the displays of hysteria go beyond what is bearable, a period of reproaches, manipulation, emotional instability and theatricality begins.

How should you deal with a hysterical person? Certainly not by shouting back, arguing or debating. “You have to learn to stay calm and, at the crucial moment, simply walk away,” advise Janáčková and other experts. Join me as we look at what goes on in the minds of hysterical people and where their irritability comes from.

💡 Tip: Hysterical people should learn as much as possible about personal growth. This article will help them do so.

Histrionic personality disorder, or why is hysteria such a drama?

The word “histrionic” in the name of the disorder means “dramatic and exaggerated”. People suffering from hysteria show some common traits typical of this condition, for example:

• They have intense and unstable emotions,
• They have a highly distorted view of themselves,
• They find realistic self-reflection difficult,
• Their self-esteem depends on the “approval” of others,
• They desperately want to be noticed,
• They behave inappropriately and theatrically to attract attention.

🗣️ Psychiatrists add: Hysteria is more common in women than in men and is most noticeable during adolescence or shortly afterwards.

Today the term hysteria is used to describe all mental states whose main feature is “emotional instability” and any reaction that is excessive in the given situation. And although it is a frequently described psychological anomaly, it was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in 1980.

🎓 Did you know? Today, people suffering from hysteria are mostly diagnosed with a dissociative disorder or an associated personality disorder. Hysteria rarely appears as the main trigger of psychological instability. It is usually a consequence instead, for example of depression.

💡 Tip: How do you build healthy relationships with others? We’ll show you how. Take a look at our article!

Symptoms of hysteria, uncontrollable anger and a feeling of being unappreciated

Typical symptoms of hysteria include:

1. Nervousness,
2. Shortness of breath,
3. Anxiety,
4. Fainting,
5. Insomnia,
6. Irritability,
7. Dramatic movements.

Laura Janáčková adds that hysterical people are:

• Insatiable,
• Perpetually dissatisfied,
• Easily offended,
• Cunning (for example, they often demand attention by ‘escaping into illness’, pretending to have shortness of breath, cramps or tachycardia),
• Deceitful,
• Spiteful,
• Ignorant.

🎓 Did you know? The term hysteria comes from the ancient Greek word hysteria, which means womb.

It is believed that the word was first used by Hippocrates, who linked all the symptoms of hysteria to “the movement of the female womb to various places in the body”. Ancient thinkers believed that the womb could travel freely around a woman’s body, which led to varied symptoms (depending on where it happened to be).

The website webmd.com describes the typical behaviour of hysterical people in detail. It states that hysterical people:

• Are uncomfortable when they are not the centre of attention,
• Dress inappropriately and often bother those around them with their flirtatious behaviour,
• Change moods quickly,
• Act very dramatically and theatrically exaggerate events they have witnessed,
• Look and act insincere at first glance,
• Are far too focused on their own appearance,
• Constantly need reassurance and approval from others,
• Are oversensitive to criticism,
• Cope badly with calm and very quickly get bored,
• Leave work half-finished and jump from one activity to another,
• Act without thinking,
• Deep down feel that they are useless,
• Are self-centred and almost never show interest in their loved ones,
• Struggle to stay in a relationship (they soon get bored of it),
• As soon as you hint that you will leave them, they start threatening suicide and shower you with reproaches.
• They are gripped by fear of rejection.

The strongest symptom of hysteria is ever-present anger. Psychiatrists acknowledge that, for example, at the start of a relationship sufferers may try to appear happy and content, but given the instability of their emotions, this soon passes. Not long after the relationship begins, they become suspicious, excessively jealous and reproachful about the slightest (even non-existent) mistakes and, above all, they literally choke on their anger.

💡 Tip: Read about what pathological jealousy does to a person!

🎓 Did you know? People suffering from hysteria very often have an excellent work ethic and perform brilliantly at work. Problems only arise in their personal lives.

💡 Tip: Read our article on how to manage anger! A little cooling off never hurts.

Step into the sanctuary of hysteria, or “Historical milestones of irritability!”

The mystery of hysteria played a major role in the early development of psychoanalysis. Sigmund Freud, who studied under Jean-Martin Charcot, gained access to the most interesting cases of this French neurologist and was able to observe his patients directly in the consulting room.

Among other things, Dr Charcot observed a marked increase in epileptic episodes in hysterical people. After publishing a study in which he refused to link hysteria exclusively to the female reproductive organs, he fell out of favour. His research was then continued by Freud and his colleague Josef Breuer.

🗣️ Freud proved: A traumatic experience unconsciously leads to the development of physical symptoms.

After researching the reconstruction of repressed memories and free association, he came up with methods to bring relief to such patients. He was helped by his most famous case, a young woman known as Anna O., who had symptoms of hysteria. Anna found that simply talking about her problems with a therapist had a profound effect on her wellbeing. She called this treatment the “talking cure”, and to this day it is known as talk (communication) therapy.

No more hysteria, please! Call me depression!

During the 20th century, the concept of hysteria slowly faded away and was replaced by the term (and diagnosis) of depression and anxiety. As the number of patients with hysteria in Western cultures fell, the number of people suffering from depression and anxiety rose (especially between 1949 and 1978). Modern diagnostic methods also contributed to this by shedding light on some mistakes of the past, for example by revealing that illnesses once described as hysteria were in fact epilepsy and infertility.

🗣️ Experts explain: Since the 1980s, hysteria as such has not been discussed in our circles. The term has been replaced by “histrionic personality disorder”, “dissociative disorder” and “conversion disorder”. We only call it hysteria in private.

🎓 Did you know? In some cultures abroad, for example, the decision not to marry is considered a sign of a serious mental disorder, even hysteria.

What is the main cause of histrionic mental disorder? Scientists cannot agree!

The exact cause of hysteria has still not been satisfactorily explained, but experts believe that both learned and inherited factors play a role in its development.

🗣️ Psychiatrists add: The tendency of histrionic disorder to appear in several people within one family leads us to believe that there is a genetic predisposition to this condition.

Children of parents with this disorder often repeat a similar pattern of behaviour, just as they observe it. Other factors that play a role in the development of hysteria include:

• A lack of constructive criticism from parents,
• Great strictness and punishment (even for minor) mistakes and shortcomings,
• Praise only when the child does exactly what the parent has “dreamt up” for them,
• Unpredictable attention paid to the child, who then cannot sense how to behave correctly in any given situation,
• The individual’s temperament (according to experts, some people are more prone to mental disorders than others),
• The ways in which parents teach the child to cope with stressful situations (i.e. a poor example set by parents leads to future emotional instability and inappropriate behaviour).

💡 Tip: People with hysteria who are used to living in chaos need something to hold on to. This can be a strict vision and goals board to guide their treatment.

Specialist publications state that the causes of hysteria are:

1. Neurological,
2. Genetic,
3. Psychoanalytic.

Neurological causes of hysteria

Studies have shown a correlation between histrionic personality disorder and neurotransmitter levels. People diagnosed with hysteria have sensitive brain systems responsible for the synthesis of noradrenaline.

🎓 Did you know? If a high level of norepinephrine is also found, a diagnosis of hysteria is almost 100% certain. Norepinephrine causes anxiety, depression and exaggerated reactions.

Genetic causes of hysteria

A Danish twin study found a correlation of 0.67, suggesting that hysteria is hereditary. You can view the full study here.

Psychoanalytic causes of hysteria

Psychoanalytic (Freudian) theories are largely criticised, but according to some experts they are at least worth thinking about.

🗣️ Freud says roughly this in them: It all begins with a misguided attitude from one of the parents (usually the mother), at the heart of which is conditional love based on expectations that the child can never meet. An important sign of hysteria is both lust and an inability to truly love. Lust is a projection of the patient’s lack of ability to truly love and to develop cognitively during adulthood. The result is ’emotionally shallow’ individuals, and the cause of their inability to love unconditionally is a traumatic experience in childhood: the death of a loved one, their parents’ divorce, or impossible expectations from their parents.

Hysteria shows itself mainly in romantic relationships. If you share a home with someone irritable, you can bet that there is a specific traumatic experience from their childhood that “forces” them to behave the way they do.

🗣️ Jung claimed: People with hysteria are like helpless little rabbits. They have no idea what is actually right in life, how to behave well in relationships or what is expected of them. On top of that, they long to “make themselves happy above all”, feeling that they deserve it after unhappy events in their past. They do not care about the feelings of those close to them.

Treating hysteria, is it even possible?

Treating hysteria is not easy, especially because people with hysteria think they do not need any help at all. They tend to be explosive and chaotic, which makes it hard to set a treatment plan.

🗣️ Psychiatrists explain: People with hysteria only seek help once depression and anxiety are added to their hysterical episodes (for example, after a failed relationship).

The basis of treating hysteria is psychotherapy. It reveals the patient’s motives, the fears that torment them and their patterns of behaviour. The specialist explains which subconscious and ingrained reactions in different situations are exaggerated or even inappropriate, and tries to motivate the patient towards better behaviour.

Approved treatment methods include:

• Talk therapy: talking about your own feelings, calming your nerves.
• Functional analytic psychotherapy: identifies the patient’s shortcomings in interpersonal contact.
• Decoding the patient’s behaviour: the therapist tries to create the right “atmosphere” and observe the patient “in action”, then assesses their behaviour right “on the spot”. It helps develop positive thinking.

💡 Tip: Do not hesitate to have a meaningful and motivating conversation with a psychotherapist! It will help you break out of the cycle of anger and frustration.

How to deal with a hysterical person? Be like Forrest Gump, just run!

Hysterical people are masters of passive aggression. They will engage in direct confrontation too, but seemingly “innocent” manipulation is more typical of them.

What does it mean when someone is passive-aggressive? Well, such people suppress obvious signs of anger, but inside they are absolutely furious. They then express this “inner” anger in “passive-aggressive ways”. For example:

1. They pretend not to hear when you ask them for something and do not respond at all,
2. They spread gossip and spiteful remarks about people who have “offended” them,
3. They are obsessed with you,
4. They explode easily and cast themselves as the victim,
5. They threaten self-harm if you do not behave the way they want,
6. They try to behave and act mysteriously,
7. They ignore others,
8. They show a “spiteful smirk”.
9. They blackmail you with tears, illness or suicide.

🗣️ Psychiatrists advise: Watch out for people with hysteria who use passive aggression to manipulate! Nobody is forcing you to know how to get along with an irritated person. The best advice is: ‘If you cannot cope any more, leave the scene and let the hysterical person rage on their own!!

Try the gentle approach first!

Experts recommend following this checklist when dealing with a hysterical person:

• Do not argue!
• If you are afraid of the aggressor, call in a third person “for help”!
• Gain emotional distance!
• Try to work out with the hysterical person what triggers their anger!
• Offer to solve the problem together!
• Try to develop their positive character traits!
• Speak calmly and do not criticise!

💡 Tip: Try to show the hysterical person what it is like to be happy. This article will help you do it!

And if none of this works, just run for it! Getting along with someone prone to hysteria is an art that not everyone can master.

The authors of the instructive book Why Are You Making a Scene?! Or, Do You Have a Hysterical Partner at Home advise:

1. Treat your partner’s hysterical outbursts as an interesting natural phenomenon. “Watching an eclipse of reason is almost as fascinating as watching an eclipse of the moon!” they add,
2. When dealing with a hysterical person, never go back to the past! Deal strictly with the present only,
3. Do not (UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!) use rhetorical questions such as “Do you think that’s normal?” or “How about taking a good look at yourself?!”. Unfortunately for you, they drive people with hysteria into a frenzy, and by (unknowingly) saying them you will earn yourself a moralising lecture full of reproaches,
4. Eliminate words such as “always”, “every time”, “never”, “constantly”, “nobody” and so on from your vocabulary. Do not use them even as a joke: a hysterical person does not “understand” them and they irritate them.

Spot-on Murphy’s laws come in handy, or “Hysteria as an art!”

I have no doubt you know Murphy’s laws. Even educational websites list six of the most fitting ones (that is, those relating to hysterical people).

🗣️ Psychiatrists urge: Realise that hysteria cannot be cured. We can only ease its symptoms, with the help of therapy and psychiatric medication. But getting a hysterical person to a doctor is sometimes a superhuman task.

Let us now look at what Murphy had to say on the subject:

1. If you announce your plans too early, it is wrong. Your spouse will forget about them in the meantime.
2. If you announce your plans too late, it is wrong. Your spouse will not have time to adjust to them.
3. The optimal time to inform your spouse has not yet been discovered. It is always either too early or too late.
4. The consequences of the wrong volume of a message are the same as in laws no. 1 and 2. Either your message did not reach your spouse’s ears because you whispered it, or you shouted like mad and could not be understood.
5. If your other half is looking for anything they urgently need right now, it is obvious that you have misplaced it, regardless of whether you actually did.
6. When, under optimal astrological conditions, your partner finds the lost item in a place unknown to you or otherwise out of your reach, they will never apologise for suspecting and scolding you. Because it is your fault anyway! 

🎓 Did you know? Hysteria in men differs from hysteria in women. While hysterical men often cast themselves as moralisers who criticise anything (from bad weather to your parents, who dared to give birth to such a dim creature as you), hysterical women willingly push themselves either into the role of “misunderstood poor things” or, on the contrary, “cruel goddesses of revenge”. Neither prospect is exactly appealing!

💡 Tip: Do not blame yourself when dealing with a hysterical person does not go well! Stop criticising yourself and look to the future!