Any break-up is always a difficult life event, even if you were the one who ended the relationship. So how can you get through it, learn to love and trust again, and live happily?
The first thing to do is deal with a whole range of emotions, some of which last longer than others, while some pass in a moment. There are also various steps you can take to recover from a break-up and find healthy relationships full of trust and love in the future, including a healthy relationship with yourself.
If you want to know what these steps are, read on. You will learn more about what to expect after a break-up and how to make it easier on yourself.
The short answer. You cannot skip a break-up, but in the first weeks you can make it easier with regular sleep, exercise, contact with people close to you and as little contact with your ex-partner as possible, including on social media. In research, most people return to their previous level of satisfaction within about a year, though it often takes longer after a long period of living together or a divorce.
If you have symptoms of depression for most of the day, every day, for more than two weeks, seek professional help from a doctor or therapist. In an acute crisis, call a local crisis helpline (in Czechia: Linka první psychické pomoci, 116 123, 24/7). If your ex-partner threatens or stalks you, call your local emergency number: 112 in Europe, 911 in the USA and Canada, 999 in the UK (in Czechia: 158 or 112). You can also get advice from a local victim support or domestic abuse helpline (in Czechia, 24/7: Bílý kruh bezpečí 116 006, for all victims, or ROSA 116 016, for women).
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How long it takes to get over a break-up
There is no universal time frame, and research gives differing answers. Each study looks at a different group of people and a different type of relationship and measures something different: sometimes sadness, sometimes life satisfaction or symptoms of depression.
In 2005, psychologists David Sbarra and Robert Emery described in the journal Personal Relationships how young people recorded their feelings every day for 28 days after the break-up of a non-marital relationship. Love for the ex-partner gradually faded during these four weeks, but sadness, anger and relief did not change evenly.
A longer view is offered by a 2022 study by Richard Preetz in the journal Frontiers in Psychology. It was based on the German family panel pairfam and included more than 1,600 break-ups of people who did not live together. The average age of the participants was 26.
Life satisfaction and psychological well-being fell after the break-up, but according to the author the drop was mostly temporary, and after about a year most people returned to their original level. For women, life satisfaction recovered within about a year, while for men it remained lower even after three years.
So in research, most people return to their previous level of satisfaction within about a year, though it often takes longer after a long period of living together or a divorce. Sadness may not be gone after a month. More important than the calendar is whether you are gradually improving, even with ups and downs, and managing an ordinary day.
Stages after a break-up and what is normal
People often talk about the stages a person goes through after a break-up, such as shock, denial, sadness, anger and finally acceptance. See them as a description of feelings that may appear, not as a fixed plan. The order differs for everyone, and you may return to some feelings.
Many people say that after a break-up they sleep worse, have no appetite, cry, keep thinking about their ex-partner and have mood swings even within a single day. Sometimes relief comes, followed straight away by guilt.
A break-up can also affect your mental health and overall life satisfaction. How break-ups of unmarried couples affect mental health was studied, for example, by Galena Rhoades and colleagues in 2011 in the Journal of Family Psychology.
You should take notice if the sadness does not ease even after weeks, you stop coping with work and looking after yourself, or you have thoughts that life is not worth living. At that point it is no longer ordinary sadness. If you have such thoughts, call a local crisis helpline straight away (in Czechia: 116 123, 24/7), or your local emergency number if a life is in danger: 112 in Europe, 911 in the USA and Canada, 999 in the UK (in Czechia: 155 or 112).
Break-up, treat it like a physical injury
Try to look at a break-up as you would at any other injury. With a broken heart, give yourself the same consideration as if you had broken your leg. Even though this is a mental state, in reality it can show itself in similar ways.
You may not be working at 100%, and that is fine, because your mental state is not at its best. You also would not punish yourself for not going to the gym with a broken bone. So show yourself the same kindness to help you get through an emotional injury, and try these tips.
What helps in the first days and weeks
In the first days you do not need to make big plans. It is enough to manage the basics: sleep, eat, move and not face everything alone. For the longer journey, the ten tips below will help, as will the article 12 tips for healing a broken heart.
Sleep and daily routine
Go to bed and get up at roughly the same time, even if you do not feel like it. A regular routine gives your days structure at a time when the old one has fallen apart.
If you cannot fall asleep and your thoughts keep circling around your ex-partner, try writing them down on paper before bed and keep your phone away from your bed. You will find more advice in the article how to fall asleep when stressed.
Exercise
According to the UK’s National Health Service (NHS), regular exercise can improve your mood, especially in people with milder depression. The NHS recommends 150 minutes of moderate-intensity activity a week for adults.
You do not have to start running straight away. According to the NHS, even a brisk ten-minute walk will help clear your head and relax. If you want to do more, you will find inspiration in the article on aerobic exercise.
People around you
Get in touch with one or two people you trust and arrange, for example, a regular walk or phone call. You do not have to talk about the break-up all the time; ordinary company helps too. We look at why people matter in tip 3.
If you and your partner shared most of your friends and you now feel you have no one to turn to, read how to make new friends.
Less checking your ex-partner on social media
In 2012, Tara Marshall of Brunel University studied 464 people who recalled a painful break-up, in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking. Those who checked their ex-partner’s Facebook profile more often felt more distress and negative feelings about the break-up and longed for their ex-partner more.
These people also showed less personal growth. The link held even after taking into account offline contact, personality and the circumstances of the break-up. The study shows a link, not necessarily a cause.
In practice, this means muting or hiding their profiles, turning off notifications and not going to look at what they are doing. You do not have to block them unless you have a reason to. We describe what social media does to us in general in the article the price we pay for social media.
1. Express your emotions
Expressing and fully experiencing all the emotions that come from a break-up is the first and essential step towards healing. You do not have to suppress them or be ashamed of them.
The grieving process means emotional ups and downs, so one moment you may feel very sad and the next you are overcome by anger. Some people even experience a sense of relief and release.
Admit to yourself what you feel
A break-up triggers a range of feelings and emotional stages, which play out a little differently for everyone. So you may experience:
- acceptance,
- pain,
- shock,
- relief,
- denial,
- grief,
- rejection,
- betrayal,
- embarrassment,
- fear (of being alone, for example).
None of these emotions is good or bad, and they can come at any time, anywhere, whichever one it is. You always need to accept the emotion, experience it and then let it go.
2. Rediscover yourself
When you are in a relationship, especially a long-term one, it is very easy to forget about yourself. Focusing on the positives of a relationship ending at such a fresh, painful moment can be very hard, but you can already start learning to accept this period as an opportunity for self-discovery.
There are surely some activities you have always wanted to try, or places you long to travel to and explore. Or places where you want to eat. Before the break-up you may not have been able to, or there was no room for them, so now is a good time to consider taking them up.
3. Stay socially active
Sometimes a break-up shakes you so much that you just want to be alone. But right now it is extremely important to stay in touch with people. Group or one-to-one support from friends and family will help you a lot. Really try not to isolate yourself during this sensitive period.
Those closest to you can help you let out your sadness, but also show you that you are loved and supported. They will take your mind off things, offer different perspectives and, above all, try to cheer you up and lift your spirits. And even if you do not feel like laughing, moments of light relief will do you good.
Relationships with people are also linked to health. A 2010 meta-analysis by Julianne Holt-Lunstad and colleagues in the journal PLoS Medicine summarised 148 studies with more than 300,000 people.
People with stronger social ties had a 50% higher likelihood of survival during the study period than people with weaker ties. If you feel lonely, also read the article on solitude and loneliness.
4. Change your life situation
Sometimes a break-up means that one or both people move out of a previously shared home. On top of the stress of moving, the emotional toll can be even higher if you and your partner shared pets or children.
Depending on your housing situation, you may also need to consider financial support to cover costs you have so far split between two. Do not be afraid to reach out to your family or close friends and explore options such as temporary accommodation until you are back on your feet.
5. Consider seeking professional support from a therapist
An in-person session or online call with a professional can help you process your emotions and find ways to cope with them. Consider looking for a therapist who specialises in relationships and break-ups.
There is nothing to be ashamed of. These are not easy situations and they can affect you deeply. A professional will help you find your own way through the hardest period. In the section on professional help below, we sum up when not to wait any longer and where to call straight away.
6. Limit contact with your ex-partner
In the first few weeks, it helps to keep contact with your ex-partner to the bare minimum. Every message or chance meeting can reopen what you are trying to heal and revive the hope that the relationship will come back.
In 2020, Karey O’Hara, David Sbarra and colleagues published a study in the journal Clinical Psychological Science in which they followed 122 people for five months shortly after their marriage ended. They did not measure in-person contact with the ex-partner through a questionnaire, but with a recording device that captured snippets of their day.
Among people without children together, more frequent contact predicted higher psychological distress two months later. Among people with children together, this link was not found, but the study did not track what they talked about. These are associations, not proof of cause.
The Facebook study by Tara Marshall mentioned above adds another perspective. People who stayed Facebook friends with their ex-partner reported fewer negative feelings and less longing for them than those who did not, but also less personal growth. Simply monitoring the ex’s profile was linked to poorer recovery.
Agree that you will only message each other about practical matters, such as returning keys and belongings or joint accounts. If you are hoping to get back together, first read how you can save a relationship after a break-up. If, on the other hand, you are unsure whether the break-up was the right decision, the article 15 signs that a relationship has no future can help.
Mutual friends
Do not make friends pick sides and do not use them as messengers. Tell them plainly that you do not want to hear news about your ex-partner for now.
You can go to the first shared events with someone who will support you, or skip them for a while. When someone from your shared circle sides with your ex-partner, it hurts, but you do not have to deal with it straight away. Focus on the people you feel good with.
When your ex-partner will not leave you alone
If your ex-partner repeatedly messages and calls you even though you have said you do not want this, waits for you, follows you or makes threats, this is not disappointed love but harassment. Persistent stalking that is capable of causing reasonable fear for the life or health of you or your loved ones is a criminal offence under Section 354 of the Criminal Code (trestní zákoník), even if you are not afraid yet.
Save messages and write down dates, times and places. If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number: 112 in Europe, 911 in the USA and Canada, 999 in the UK (in Czechia: 158 or 112). You can get advice from a local victim support or domestic abuse helpline (in Czechia, free and around the clock: Bílý kruh bezpečí 116 006, for all victims, or ROSA 116 016, for women).
If your partner controlled or hurt you during the relationship, the advice about calmly reaching an agreement does not apply to you. Arrange handovers of belongings or children through a third person or with the help of an intervention centre. We describe how to recognise manipulation in the article on the most common types of manipulation in a relationship.
7. Focus on your mental health
Grieving a break-up is a process that has no clear timeline. Your grieving may take a little longer. A lot depends on how the particular break-up affected you, and the wound is always a different size. It also takes everyone a different length of time for the wound to heal.
Allowing yourself to process your new circumstances is a crucial step for your overall mental health. During a break-up, you can also look after it by staying socially and physically active. Exercise and company can lift your mood.
8. Self-care
Self-care is always important, and even more so after a break-up. A kind relationship with yourself is the foundation for your relationships with others, and taking care of yourself is part of it. We write more about this in the article on self-love.
By investing time in self-care over the long term, you will build a healthy relationship with yourself, which will then carry over into all your other relationships.
9. Rebuilding trust in others
Depending on the circumstances of the break-up, it may seem hard to regain faith in others. Being cautious after a disappointment is natural, and if it is holding you back from new relationships, a therapist can help.
Do not be surprised if rebuilding trust in other people takes longer. In this case, a therapist can be a great help and can recommend various strategies for restoring faith and security in your relationships.
10. Handling new relationships
Some people are tempted to ease the pain of a break-up by starting a new relationship immediately after the old one ends. A new relationship shortly after a break-up is not a mistake in itself, but it is worth being clear about whether you are looking for the other person or mainly for relief from the pain.
Sometimes it is just a kind of “plaster”, and once the pain passes, you leave your new partner and only end up hurting another person.
Give yourself enough time to grieve and fully process your emotions before starting a new relationship. This period can of course differ from person to person, but really do not underestimate it. Only then are you ready to start again with a clean slate.
Break-up after a long relationship and with children
After a long relationship, it is not just love that ends, but also your shared routine, home, finances and often some of your friends. That is why you may feel lost even in completely practical matters.
Richard Preetz, whose study we mention above, followed people who did not live together, and he himself points out that other research describes slower recovery after divorce. If you lived together for years, expect that coming to terms with it may take longer, and do not compare yourself with others.
Before you start dividing up property, get an overview. Find out who is named on the tenancy agreement, whose name the mortgage is in, and which accounts and loans you have jointly.
Married couples also have to settle their community property (společné jmění manželů), see the article divorce and settling community property (SJM). Unmarried partners do not have community property. Things bought together are settled according to the rules of co-ownership in shares, and housing according to the tenancy or purchase agreement. If you cannot agree, contact a lawyer or a free legal advice service.
When you have children together
You remain parents even after a break-up. If possible, tell your children together, clearly and in a way suited to their age, and without blaming the other parent, that the break-up is not their fault and that you both love them. Do not argue about money and property in front of them.
New rules have applied since 1 January 2026. According to the Ministry of Justice (Ministerstvo spravedlnosti), the court no longer chooses between sole, alternating and joint custody, but decides to what extent each parent will care for the child, ranging from every other weekend to an equal split.
The same rules apply to unmarried parents. For married couples, divorce and the children are decided in a single combined proceeding at the district court based on where the child lives. When the parents reach an agreement, the court approves it and does not set the extent of care itself.
Parents who agree represent the child in court themselves. The child protection authority (OSPOD) steps in as guardian mainly when there is a conflict of interest. When the court decides on care, it sets child maintenance for both parents as a rule. If there is violence in the family, do not negotiate an agreement alone and contact an intervention centre. The court must now also take domestic violence into account, so tell both your lawyer and the court about it.
When to seek professional help
Sadness after a break-up is not an illness and usually fades over time. However, the UK’s National Health Service (NHS) recommends seeing a doctor if you have symptoms of depression for most of the day, every day, for more than two weeks.
The NHS lists symptoms such as a persistently low mood, hopelessness, loss of interest in things you used to enjoy, tiredness, problems with sleep and appetite, feelings of guilt, and thoughts of self-harm or suicide. You will find a more detailed overview in the article 11 symptoms of depression you should never underestimate.
You can start with your GP, a psychologist or a psychotherapist. We describe what to expect at your first visit in the article when to see a psychologist and what to expect.
Where to call straight away
A local crisis helpline can support adults in acute crisis, or those dealing with anxiety, depression, loneliness or relationship problems. If you are unsure where to turn, a doctor or therapist can also help. (In Czechia: the First Psychological Aid Line, Linka první psychické pomoci, on 116 123 is available around the clock, free of charge and anonymously. It is run by the organisation Cesta z krize and also offers a chat service at set hours.)
If you are having suicidal thoughts and are afraid you will not be able to cope with them, call the emergency medical service on 155 or 112. If your ex-partner is hurting or threatening you, the contacts listed in tip 6 apply.
Whether your break-up was one-sided or mutual, ending a relationship is never an easy situation. After all, you are ending an emotional bond and a shared journey with someone you have shared a lot with and made lovely memories with.
In moments of great stress or sadness, always keep in mind that this stage of your life will eventually come to an end. Many people have been through a break-up before you. The experience you take away from it can help you in future relationships. And if you have good people around you, turn to them for emotional support.
If you ever reach the point where coping with a break-up becomes so difficult that your mental health is suffering too much, it is time to see a professional, if you have not done so already. Above all, be kind to yourself and see the break-up as a process that will bring experience into your life.
