No matter how strong your relationship is, everyone goes through a difficult period at some point. Problems show up in different ways, for example as infidelity. Perhaps the situation has already become downright toxic. These and countless other situations may lead you to wonder how to save a relationship that is struggling. Is that even the best solution? How can you tell when a relationship is worth saving, what are the signs, and what tips can help you save it?
The short answer. A relationship is worth saving when you both want it, you feel safe with your partner, and the problems lie mainly in communication, exhaustion or drifting apart. Start with an open conversation without blame, regular time just for the two of you and, if needed, couples therapy, which according to a review of research has a positive effect for roughly 70% of couples.
If your partner humiliates you, controls you, forces you into sex, takes your money, threatens you or you are afraid of them, this is not a relationship crisis but abuse. If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe, 911 in the USA and Canada, 999 in the UK; in the Czech Republic: 158 or 112); otherwise, call a local 24/7 crisis or domestic abuse helpline (in the Czech Republic: 116 006 and 116 016).
15 signs that a relationship has no future
Do you know how to tell that a relationship has no future?Table of contents
How to tell when to save a relationship and when it is no longer worth it
The good news is that there are ways to recognise whether you have a reason to stay. There are also strategies you can use to restore the health of a partnership that is currently struggling, and you can find a way to save a relationship in crisis and perhaps even fall in love again.
Optimism is appealing, but the truth is that not all relationships are meant to be saved. Before you decide how to move forward, first get clear on whether your relationship is worth saving or whether it would be best for you and your partner to go your separate ways.
When deciding whether to stay in a relationship, consider a few key factors, and love is not one of them. Love is important, of course, but it is not enough.
When is it better to leave a relationship?
Take an honest look at these three key areas.
1. Do you ever feel physically or emotionally threatened? If so, that is definitely a bad sign. Do not ignore it. In these situations, leaving the relationship is vital for your safety and wellbeing, and for the safety of your children if you have any.
This is not a relationship crisis but abuse, and neither a conversation about saving the relationship nor couples therapy is appropriate. Plan your departure with a local domestic abuse helpline or support service (in the Czech Republic: an intervention centre, the 116 006 helpline run by White Circle of Safety (Bílý kruh bezpečí) for all victims, or the 116 016 helpline run by ROSA for women). Ideally, call from a phone your partner has no access to. Find out more in the section When saving the relationship makes no sense.
2. Does your partner support your needs and core values? Do you feel you are making compromises on your core values and morals? That is another reason why leaving the relationship might be a better choice for your overall health and happiness than trying to fix things.
3. Of course, both partners have to be willing to save the relationship. If one person has already detached mentally and emotionally and shows no desire to repair the relationship, then it is probably time to end it.
Tip. Also read the article 15 signs that a relationship is not worth it and get some clarity.
Signs that a relationship is in danger
If you notice any of these signs, your relationship is in trouble, but it is still not too late if you both want to know how to save a relationship from a breakup.
- You or your partner are no longer showing up as your best selves in the relationship.
- You do not feel good enough for each other.
- You or your partner make excuses for each other and hide the truth from friends and family.
- You sacrifice being true to yourself for your partner’s sake and avoid conflict.
- You or your partner would rather do anything else than spend time together.
- You do not like who you are when you are with your partner.
- You are losing yourself or your partner in the relationship and no longer notice what you need.
- You do not spend time with friends.
- You no longer do the things that used to bring you joy.
If your partner is cutting you off from friends and family, or you cover for them out of fear, this is not ordinary drifting apart but control. Find out more in the section When it is abuse.
Practical steps to save a relationship
The tips below work best within a clear framework. Saving a relationship usually starts with three steps: an open conversation, regular time just for the two of you and a clear agreement on what needs to change.
All three steps assume that you feel safe with your partner. If they humiliate you, threaten you, force you into sex, take your money or you are afraid of them, a conversation about saving the relationship, an agreement or couples therapy are not appropriate. Contact a local 24/7 crisis or domestic abuse helpline (in the Czech Republic: an intervention centre or the helplines 116 006 and 116 016); more below.
An open conversation without blame
Choose a calm moment when neither of you is tired or upset, and tell your partner plainly that you are worried about the relationship and want to work on it. Talk about how you feel, not about what they are like.
Saying “I have felt lonely these past few months and I miss our evenings” is more likely to open a conversation than “you never have time for me”. Then let your partner speak and listen, even if you disagree. One conversation will not solve everything, so treat it as a starting point.
Time just for the relationship
Drifting apart often does not come from big arguments but from partners simply passing each other between work, children and the household. Agree on regular time that belongs only to the two of you, for example one evening a week without phones and without sorting out household matters.
It does not have to be anything expensive. A walk, cooking together or an hour over coffee is enough, as long as you truly focus on each other. You will find inspiration in tips 3 and 8 below.
A clear agreement on what needs to change
When the conversation reveals a specific problem, agree on what each of you will do and when you will sit down again to assess whether anything has shifted. It helps to base the agreement on specific behaviour rather than a vague promise such as “I’ll try”.
An agreement is not a threat or a test of your partner. Do not say anything you do not mean, and do not test their feelings with jealousy or by pretending to leave, as games like these only weaken trust further. If you are the only one making an effort, read the section on when saving the relationship makes no sense.
11 tips to save a relationship in crisis
Whether you are trying to work out how to save a relationship after infidelity or you see it as a burnt-out relationship, relationships are a great place to work on yourself. If you feel safe with your partner, there is no harm in trying each of the steps below. In the worst case, you will improve your own ability to be loving, vulnerable, passionate and alive. In the best case, you and your partner will grow closer and rekindle your loving feelings for each other.
However, if your partner hurts you, threatens you or you are afraid of them, tips for growing closer are not the answer, and your safety comes first.
1. First work on yourselves as individuals
How do you save a burnt-out relationship? For a relationship to grow stronger, both partners need to do their own inner work. It is important that both of you work on yourselves and reconnect with your core values and strengths. Let curiosity guide you and create an open space where you can both be honest with each other. Only then can you work together as a couple and try to strengthen your relationship.
Tip. Worried that your partner is manipulating you? Read the article 7 tips to tell whether they are just playing games with me.
2. Show love in a way your partner will feel as love
This may not sound like a very specific or particularly scientific suggestion. But people often forget to tune in to their partner, especially when there is tension in the relationship. Do the things you know make them feel loved. Do you tend to focus on what you receive (or do not receive) rather than on what you give? Are you building defences against your partner, holding back affection and resisting openness and vulnerability?
Try to offer something you know they will value in a unique way. Engaging in loving acts like these actually makes you feel more in love.
Tip. Do you know your love language and your partner’s? Read more about the 5 love languages.
3. How do you save a relationship that has gone stale? Try something old
As a relationship progresses, it is all too easy to make excuses for not making time for each other. When you do get together, perhaps you do things out of obligation? Relationships tend to start fading, and you stop sharing the things you used to share with your partner. What is more, once the excitement fades, you will feel even less like sharing activities.
The resulting cycle pushes partners further and further apart. Make a commitment and take part in an activity you used to enjoy together. Taking part in activities that light up you or your partner helps you stay close to each other while also feeling most like yourselves.
Tip. Go for a walk, for example, and discover the most beautiful places in the Czech Republic or interesting places in Prague.
4. Argue better
Arguing? It sounds like a contradiction, but if you want to heal and strengthen your relationship, an argument can be a perfectly healthy thing. The key to success is doing it the right way. That means open and honest communication that brings you closer, rather than mutual blame that only pushes you apart.
According to the Gottman Institute, 69% of conflicts in couples are perpetual problems. They stem from long-standing differences in personality and needs, which is why no argument will ever settle them for good.
So the goal is not to stop arguing but to talk about your differences without hurting each other. Psychologist John Gottman described four ways of communicating that gradually break a relationship down and called them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
Criticism attacks the other person’s character instead of a specific issue, contempt shows itself through mockery and sarcasm, defensiveness shifts the blame onto the other person, and stonewalling means that one of you withdraws from the conversation completely. The Gottman Institute considers contempt the single strongest predictor of divorce.
If the horsemen show up in your arguments, try starting with a complaint about a specific situation, not about your partner as a person. You can read more about how to talk to each other in the article why communication between partners matters.
5. Slow your mind down and make eye contact
For most of us, slowing down means collapsing onto the sofa or getting absorbed in a film on Netflix the moment our chaotic to-do list is done. However hectic your schedule, there are ways to pause in your own mind during the day and reconnect with yourself. When you are more present, you can aim for real connection, communication and eye contact. Again, this may seem obvious, but in reality looking each other in the eye is one of the things we forget every day.
Simply by looking at your partner and truly seeing them as a whole person, you will bring more of your empathy, interest and attraction back to life.
Tip. Mindfulness offers a way to connect with yourself, which is one of the basic aspects of a healthy mind. Mindfulness allows you to experience the present moment. In these moments of reconnection, you are not only more in touch with yourself but also better able to recognise and tune in to your partner. You are also more aware of how you behave towards them. And you become more aware of your feelings of desire and attraction.
6. Express gratitude for the little things
It is the smallest things that give a relationship room to breathe. Express gratitude for the little things your partner does. This can be any activity, such as taking out the bin, making coffee or sending a sweet text message. Not just once in a while, but every day. Make it an evening ritual and say thank you for one small thing each of you did that day.
7. How to save a relationship from a break-up? Avoid falling into a rut
When people first get together, they often broaden each other’s world, discovering new people, places, interests and activities. When you fall in love, you are in a state where you feel at your most open and alive. As your relationship progresses, and the more real closeness is replaced by a merely comfortable sense of belonging together, the more you tend to resist anything new. For some people, routine becomes more appealing as the years go by. You may start to feel more jealous or possessive towards your partner and begin placing restrictions on each other.
Constant monitoring and restrictions on who you may text, where you may go and who you may see are no longer routine, though, but a sign of abuse. You can find more in the section When it comes to abuse.
You keep love alive by being willing to try new things. The more adventure you create together in everyday life, the more awake you feel to everything you experience, especially intimacy and closeness.
8. Enjoy the time you spend together
Appreciating and truly savouring the time you spend with your partner, rather than taking it for granted, is another strategy that can help save a relationship. Not just the big moments, such as a holiday or birthdays, but all the small everyday moments too. Watching TV together or cooking dinner at home. Be fully present and enjoy quality time together.
Tip. Liven up your conversations and try probing personal questions or spicy questions that break down the barriers between you.
9. How to save a burnt-out relationship? Hold monthly check-ins
Relationships need maintenance, which is why regular check-ins are useful. Sit down calmly and talk honestly about how your relationship is doing. Go through all areas, including communication, intimacy, parenting and finances. By dealing with potential problems early, you fix them before they break you. At the same time, you broaden and deepen your genuine emotional intimacy and connection.
10. Celebrate each other
Being there for each other in difficult times is essential, but it is just as important to celebrate each other’s successes. Do you often barely listen when your partner shares something good with you? You may be dismissing it without meaning to by not paying attention. Perhaps you go back to reading your book or change the subject. This behaviour is just as harmful as saying something negative about your partner’s good news outright.
So when your other half comes home and wants to share good news, put your phone down and give them the attention they deserve.
Little things carry a lot of weight. In a study of newlyweds whom John Gottman followed for six years, the couples who stayed together responded to their partner’s bids for attention 86% of the time on average. The couples who divorced did so only 33% of the time. This is the result of a single study, not a rule by which you should measure your own relationship.
11. How to save a relationship and fall in love again? Stay curious about your partner
Do you want to rekindle the spark or restore emotional health in your relationship? All it takes is taking an interest in the other person. At the start of a relationship, it is easy to be curious about what your partner enjoys and to focus on the positive. Later on, though, once the initial infatuation fades, you may wrongly assume that you know everything there is to know about your partner. You stop asking questions and fall into a routine.
Couples therapy, when it helps and what to expect
When your conversations keep going round in circles, an impartial professional can help. According to a research review published in 2012 by Jay Lebow, Anthony Chambers, Andrew Christensen and Susan Johnson in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, couples therapy has a positive effect for roughly 70% of the couples who undergo it.
According to the same review, its effectiveness is comparable to individual therapy and significantly better than for couples who received no help at all. The review found particularly promising results for integrative behavioural couple therapy and emotionally focused therapy.
What to expect in therapy
A therapist is not a judge who decides who is right. At the start, they ask about the history of your relationship and what brings you there, and then help you spot where your conversations get stuck. Between sessions, you will often be given a task to try out at home.
Therapy does not always lead to a couple staying together. Sometimes it helps partners separate calmly and without unnecessary hurt. If your partner does not want to go to therapy, you can go on your own. We explain when it makes sense to see a psychologist in the article when to see a psychologist and what to expect.
Couples therapy is not suitable where one partner is hurting the other or where one partner is afraid of the other. Talking openly about problems in front of an abusive partner can be dangerous. Instead of joint sessions, contact an intervention centre. You can find more in the section on when saving the relationship does not make sense.
Where to find free marriage and family counselling
Marriage and family counselling centres provide professional social counselling under Section 37 of Act No. 108/2006 Coll., on Social Services (zákon o sociálních službách). Under Section 72 of the same Act, social counselling is provided free of charge, so you pay nothing at the counselling centre.
You can find your nearest counselling centre in the Register of Social Service Providers (Registr poskytovatelů sociálních služeb) on the website of the Ministry of Labour and Social Affairs (Ministerstvo práce a sociálních věcí). Simply select professional social counselling and your region. Private couples therapy with a psychologist or psychotherapist has to be paid for. We look at how psychotherapy works separately.
How to save a relationship after infidelity
Infidelity is one of the hardest tests a relationship can face, but it does not automatically mean the end. In a study by David Atkins and colleagues, published in 2005 in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 134 couples took part in a clinical trial of behavioural couple therapy, and 19 of them were dealing with infidelity.
Couples affected by infidelity started therapy in greater crisis than the others. However, those whose infidelity came to light before or during therapy improved in satisfaction more than couples without infidelity. This was a small exploratory study, so treat the result as a reason for hope, not a guarantee.
Marín, Christensen and Atkins then followed the same couples for five years after therapy and published the results in 2014 in Couple and Family Psychology. After five years, however, couples affected by infidelity divorced more often (43% versus 23%), and couples where the infidelity remained secret divorced even more often.
On the other hand, couples affected by infidelity who stayed together did not differ from couples without infidelity in either satisfaction or relationship stability. So saving the relationship may be possible, but it is not guaranteed.
Whichever of you was unfaithful, saving the relationship depends on a few things. Without them, it is hard to rebuild trust.
- Contact has ended. The relationship with the third person ends completely, not just for show.
- Responsibility without excuses. The person who was unfaithful does not shift the blame onto their partner or onto circumstances.
- Openness instead of control. Trust is rebuilt through voluntary openness, not constant phone checking, which wears you both out.
- Time. You do not have to decide whether to stay in the first week. Pain and anger are part of the process.
- Professional help. Couples therapy or marriage counselling can help you talk about the infidelity so that the conversation is not just another argument.
Nobody can force forgiveness, neither your partner nor the people around you. If the infidelity happens again, or your partner plays it down or blames you for it, the relationship has no solid foundation to be saved on. We describe how to build trust gradually in the article how to build trust in a relationship.
Your relationship after having children
The arrival of a first child tests even a relationship that worked well before. Brian Doss and his colleagues followed 218 couples through the first eight years of marriage and published the results in 2009 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
After the birth of their first child, parents’ relationship quality dropped suddenly, and the decline persisted in the following years. It was small to moderate and similar for mothers and fathers. In couples without children, relationship quality declined gradually, without a sudden break.
If, after your child is born, you keep missing each other, argue about little things and have no time for each other, this is a common experience, not proof that the relationship is pointless. It helps to talk openly about sharing childcare and housework before resentment builds up, and to protect at least a little time just for the two of you.
Think about sleep and help from family and friends too, as exhaustion makes every argument worse. If you or your partner have felt sad or anxious for weeks, or feel unable to cope with caring for the baby, see a doctor or a psychologist.
If you split up and have children
If saving the relationship does not work out, you are still parents. According to the Ministry of Justice (Ministerstvo spravedlnosti), from 1 January 2026 the court no longer decides on sole, alternating or joint custody but sets the extent of care for each parent. The same rules apply to unmarried parents.
For married couples with a minor child, the court decides on the divorce and on care in a single joint proceeding at the district court where the child lives, and it also takes domestic violence into account. If the parents reach an agreement, they represent the child in court themselves. The court appoints a guardian mainly where there is a risk of a conflict of interest.
If there is violence in the family, do not negotiate arrangements for the children with your partner on your own. An intervention centre can help you, and you will find contact details below.
Before you decide to end the relationship
The decline of a relationship and a break-up are difficult times. Most often the process starts slowly, and you barely notice the small ways in which you may be pulling back or drifting apart. Eventually a negative dynamic develops and lasts so long that you struggle to know where to start when it comes to repairing the relationship.
Are you wondering where things went wrong? Self-reflection helps. A relationship is made up of two people, and both usually share responsibility for its problems. Part of how you behave comes from past experiences and defence mechanisms that sometimes make you react more strongly than you would like.
What you can mainly influence is your own behaviour. You cannot change your partner. If you both want the relationship, it is worth doing everything you can to grow before you give up. However, you are never to blame for violence or humiliation from your partner.
When things get complicated with someone, go back to basics and keep things simple. Start by putting aside the list of everyday grievances you have long been keeping against your partner. Records of violence, threats or humiliation, on the other hand, should be kept somewhere safe.
Start again with simple acts of kindness, affection and love. This does not mean living in a fantasy or avoiding real problems. It is a way to reconnect with the warm, loving feelings you may have pushed aside. It is an effort to rekindle what worked in the relationship, so that you and your partner are in the same boat and in a better position to solve problems.
When saving the relationship makes no sense
Not every relationship needs to be saved at any cost. Saving it makes no sense when you are the only one who wants it, when your partner repeatedly breaks agreements and does not want to change anything, or when you do not feel safe with them.
Deciding to leave is not a failure. If you have done what you could and the relationship has long taken more from you than it gives, you have the right to end it.
When you are the only one trying
A relationship takes two. If your partner refuses to talk, mocks therapy and your efforts go unanswered for months, you cannot save the relationship on your own. It is not your failure, as nobody can be forced to care.
Sometimes it is a temporary phase when your partner is going through a crisis of their own. We look separately at what to do when your partner is losing interest. If nothing changes even after an open conversation, think about yourself too. The article 8 ways to end a relationship sensitively describes how to break up with consideration.
When it comes to violence
Violence is not a relationship crisis. It includes physical assault, threats, constant humiliation and control over your phone, money or contact with loved ones. Pressure into sex and taking or withholding money are also violence, and neither can be solved by better communication.
In such a situation, a conversation about saving the relationship, talking things through or couples therapy is not appropriate. Psychological abuse is harder to recognise, and if your partner makes you doubt your own perception, read about gaslighting and the most common types of manipulation in a relationship.
- 158 or 112. If you are in immediate danger, call the police straight away.
- Local crisis helpline. A helpline for victims of crime and domestic violence (in the Czech Republic: 116 006, run by Bílý kruh bezpečí, available 24/7 and free of charge).
- Local domestic abuse helpline. A helpline for women experiencing domestic violence (in the Czech Republic: 116 016, run by ROSA, centrum pro ženy, available 24/7 and free of charge; ROSA also has a 24/7 line, ROSALIN, on 800 60 50 80).
- Local domestic violence support service. It helps people at risk of domestic violence with safety, counselling and court applications. Ask a local domestic abuse helpline where to find the nearest one. (In the Czech Republic: an intervention centre, free of charge under Section 72(m) of the Social Services Act (zákon o sociálních službách), listed in the Register of Social Service Providers (Registr poskytovatelů sociálních služeb) of the Ministry of Labour and Social Affairs (MPSV), or recommended by the 116 006 helpline.)
The police and courts may be able to order a violent person out of a shared home; ask local police or a lawyer which rules apply where you live, and contact a local domestic abuse helpline for support. (In the Czech Republic, such an eviction lasts 14 days under the Police of the Czech Republic Act (zákon o Policii České republiky) and cannot be shortened, even with your consent; under Section 60a of the Social Services Act (zákon o sociálních službách), an intervention centre will offer help no later than 48 hours after receiving the official record of the eviction.)
Plan leaving a violent relationship with professionals and with your safety in mind, not on your own. A free legal advice service can also help you with legal questions such as housing or property.
A few final words on how to save a relationship
In almost every relationship there comes a moment when you face such a challenge that you ask yourself whether to leave. Are you the best version of yourself in the relationship? If so, and you both want the relationship, try to stay in it and grow. Whatever you decide, understanding your own patterns helps make the next part of your life meaningful and enriching.
Try giving your partnership a new direction. Will you try the tips above on how to save a relationship? Or would you rather visit a marriage counselling centre, try couples therapy or see a psychologist? If you do not feel safe in the relationship, however, none of these tips apply and your safety comes first.
