Are you too trusting and often pay the price for it? Do you easily fall for manipulators and don’t know how to defend yourself against them? Catch the situation early and learn which signs can point to a lie and why none of them proves a lie on its own. You will avoid a lot of unpleasantness and also avoid accusing someone unfairly.
The short answer. There is no reliable sign that tells you someone is lying. A 2006 meta-analysis by psychologists Charles F. Bond and Bella DePaulo, which pooled 206 studies and more than 24,000 judges, found that people tell lies from truth correctly in 54% of cases on average, only slightly better than tossing a coin. Avoiding eye contact, nervousness or touching the face do not prove a lie; they can also simply mean stress. The content tells you more: inconsistencies in the story, few verifiable details and contradictions with what you know from other sources.
Table of contents
Common types of lies
People lie for different reasons, whether it is to show themselves in a better light, cover up their mistakes or ease a situation with a white lie. Lying is simply more convenient sometimes, and liars know this very well. But not all lies are the same. Some you will let pass without noticing, others can lead you into a dead end.
These are the most common types of lies.
- Outright lie. Completely made-up information that has nothing to do with what actually happened. An outright lie is deliberate and often carefully aimed at a specific group or individual.
- Half-truth. A half-truth only partly holds back some information. It may seem a milder form of outright lying, but the opposite is true. A half-truth is much harder to uncover because it is partly based on fact.
- Evasion. A person who is being evasive deliberately draws attention away from what they want to hide. They give vague, general information and avoid the truth.
- White lie. A lie told for the benefit of the person hearing it. It is quite common and often linked to politeness. It is not usually seen as a lie in the true sense of the word.
How often people lie
Lying is part of everyday communication, but not everyone lies equally often. In 2010, Kim B. Serota, Timothy R. Levine and Franklin J. Boster of Michigan State University asked 1,000 American adults how many lies they had told in the previous 24 hours. The average came to 1.65 lies a day, but this figure on its own is misleading.
About 60% of respondents said they had not lied once during the whole day. Meanwhile, half of all the lies admitted were told by just 5.3% of people. The authors conclude that most lies are told by a small group of people who lie very often. The study relies on what people admitted themselves, so the real figure may be higher. However, the same pattern was repeated in other samples.
There is a useful lesson in this for everyday life. The person you are talking to is most likely telling you the truth, and suspicion makes sense mainly when inconsistencies keep repeating. If someone around you lies often and for no obvious reason, read how to spot a pathological liar and what they want.
How to spot a liar
There is no universal rule for reliably exposing a liar. However, you can watch for certain signs and traits in the behaviour of people who lie. Identifying such signs starts from the assumption that a liar comes across as unsure, thinks more about what to say and may feel uncomfortable in the conversation.
Bear in mind, though, that for some people this behaviour is natural. They are shy, and some kinds of confrontation make them uneasy. That is why you need to tell carefully whether this is an unusual change in their behaviour or how they always behave. With people you know well, you are better able to compare their usual behaviour, but you also trust them more readily, so the advantage is smaller than it seems.
On the other hand, some people are habitual liars, and lying comes naturally to them. They feel no discomfort when lying and come across as confident in all circumstances. With such people, a lie is very hard to uncover, and they might even pass a lie detector test, which, as we explain below, does not measure lying directly anyway. According to the survey by Serota and colleagues, roughly 5% of people lie very often, so most people around you lie very little.
Do you suspect you have come across a toxic person? Read what a toxic person around you can cause.
What research says about detecting lies
Psychologists have been studying lie detection for decades. The 2006 meta-analysis by Bond and DePaulo in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Review pooled experiments in which people, without aids or training, judged whether someone else was telling the truth. They identified truthful statements correctly in 61% of cases, but lies in only 47%.
People simply tend to believe others. The authors of the meta-analysis write that people regard the person they are talking to as honest. The American researcher Timothy R. Levine built his truth-default theory on this. According to it, people automatically believe others until something actively raises suspicion and doubt. In everyday life this is practical; otherwise you would have to check every sentence.
Why detecting lies is so hard was explained in 2011 by a meta-analysis by Maria Hartwig and Charles F. Bond in the journal Psychological Bulletin. According to it, people mostly do not look at the wrong signs. The problem is that the differences in behaviour between a liar and someone telling the truth are small. As early as 2003, Bella DePaulo and colleagues reviewed 158 possible signs of lying and found no link, or only a weak one, between many of them and lying.
According to the same work, liars seem slightly more tense and their stories are less convincing. But tension is not limited to them. Aldert Vrij, professor of applied social psychology at the University of Portsmouth, explained this to CNN in 2016 in these words: “The problem is that even people who tell the truth can be very nervous during an investigative interview, for fear of not being believed.” A partner, colleague or child can feel the same when you let them know you do not believe them.
Sweating, faster breathing or restless hands are therefore often just signs of stress. We describe how stress shows in the body in the article physical symptoms of stress to watch out for.
7 signs that can point to a lie
Researchers mainly agree that no single sign proves someone is a liar. If you suspect someone is lying, focus mainly on the message itself and any inconsistencies in it, and only then on non-verbal communication (movements, gestures and facial expressions) and changes in the voice. So treat the following seven signs as pointers. Each of them can also mean stress, tiredness or nerves, and it only makes sense when it comes together with an inconsistency in the story itself.
The power of detail
A liar is usually not keen to share too many details, because they are a threat. Any small detail that does not match reality can expose them in an instant. If someone talks in very general terms and avoids precise information such as numbers, places, names or dates, be on your guard. When you ask for more specific details, they often start being evasive or say they do not remember. But even someone telling the truth may not recall small details, especially after a long time. The opposite extreme can be a quick answer without a single moment of hesitation, a tactic a liar uses to seem believable.
Repeating themselves and others
A liar may also repeat particular words or sentences excessively. For one thing, they may repeat themselves, meaning what they have already said. This can help them keep false or altered details in their memory while also planting them in the other person’s mind. It also gives them more time to think about how to proceed in the conversation. And perhaps by repeating things they are also trying to convince themselves and get into a false role.
A liar may also repeat the other person in the conversation. When asked a question, they sometimes repeat it first and only then answer. Repeating it can buy them time to think their answer through better. But someone who is concentrating or did not understand the question the first time will also repeat it.
Touching the face
According to a widespread belief, a liar covers their mouth and touches their face or neck, but research has found no reliable link with lying. When someone touches their mouth while speaking, it may signal uncertainty, not necessarily a lie. If, on the other hand, the person who is currently listening covers their mouth, it may signal distrust or lack of interest. Touching the cheek or neck is one of the unconscious ways people calm themselves when they are stressed. So it may be linked to lying, but it can just as easily reveal ordinary nervousness about an unpleasant conversation.
Changes in the voice
Changes in the voice can also point to a lie. For example, the pace of speech can go from slow to very fast, even within a single sentence. This is because at first the liar allows more time to think through the details while watching the other person’s reactions so they can adjust the conversation accordingly. Once they settle into the role and no longer need to be so much on guard, their speech speeds up too.
Some people who want to deceive you may show an unusual rise or, conversely, drop in the pitch of their voice. Speaking more quietly is also mentioned, because when a conversation takes place near other people, a liar does not want to risk being overheard. However, the voice also changes under stress, and a person talking about something personal will also lower their voice.
How to spot a lie from someone’s eyes
You may have heard the rule that people who lie do not look others in the eye. However, it is not a good idea to rely on this rule. Many skilled liars pay special attention to eye contact, maintain it and come across as more credible as a result. A lack of eye contact is more often a sign of shyness. People who are shy, come from a different culture or are autistic also avoid eye contact. So do not let this common myth mislead you.
Another widespread piece of advice is to watch eye movements while someone is thinking. It comes from neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), which claims that looking up and to the right reveals a fabrication, while looking up and to the left reveals a genuine memory. In 2012, psychologist Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire and his colleagues tested this idea in three studies published in the journal PLoS ONE and found no support for it.
The eye movements of liars and of people telling the truth did not differ, either in the laboratory or in recordings of well-known press conferences. And people who had learned about the rule in advance were no better at detecting lies than anyone else. So where a person looks while thinking says nothing about whether they are telling the truth.
Blinking
Blinking is also associated with lying. Both extremes are mentioned. A liar may either barely blink at all or, on the contrary, blink excessively. In the first case, the cause may be intense concentration. The liar is monitoring the other person’s expressions so they can react quickly. Unnaturally frequent blinking, on the other hand, may mean the person feels uncomfortable. But it can also be caused by nerves, tiredness or dry eyes, so blinking alone will not give a lie away.
If the language of the eyes interests you, read the article What do your eyes reveal?
Specific gestures
Certain specific gestures and movements are also associated with lying. But they do not prove a lie either. Rather, they show that a person feels uncomfortable in the conversation.
- Incongruent communication. Has someone ever tried to convince you of something while shaking their head? This is what is called incongruent communication. The gestures do not match the content of the message. Non-verbal communication can reveal how a person feels, and you should not take it lightly. However, according to research, the words themselves say more about whether a message is true. You can find out more about what the body reveals in the article body language and non-verbal communication.
- Lack of mirroring. Mirroring is the subconscious copying of another person’s posture and movements. It usually happens naturally during a conversation. If the person you are talking to shows no signs of mirroring, it may, but need not, mean that they feel uncomfortable in the conversation. Turning away from you or unusual stiffness may be clues, but there are more reasons for them than just lying.
- Pointing. Pointing a finger at another person is seen as an aggressive gesture in many contexts. But pointing can also be a liar’s attempt to shift attention away from themselves (and from the truth) onto another person or object.
How reliable is a lie detector?
A lie detector, technically known as a polygraph, does not actually measure lies. According to a 2004 review by the American Psychological Association (APA), it records three signs of nervous system arousal: heart rate and blood pressure, breathing, and skin conductance. Based on how these change in response to different questions, the examiner then judges whether the person is lying.
The problem is the same as with body language. In its review, the APA states that “there is no evidence that any pattern of physiological reactions is unique to deception.” An honest person may be nervous when giving a truthful answer, while a dishonest one may stay calm. According to the APA, part of the test’s success rests on people believing that it works, so they become nervous or confess. The device might therefore be better called a fear detector.
According to the APA, research shows that the polygraph distinguishes lies slightly better than chance, but with significant errors in both directions. It can label an innocent person a liar and let a liar go undetected. The test can also be fooled, for example with simple movements or with drugs that change the level of arousal. Courts, including the Supreme Court of the United States, have therefore repeatedly rejected polygraph results as evidence.
In our view, toys and apps sold as lie detectors should be treated only as party entertainment. It makes no sense to base decisions about trust in a relationship or at work on them.
What works better than watching body language
Some researchers have therefore moved away from observing the body and towards what a person says and whether it matches the facts. The methods below were developed mainly for police interviews and insurance companies, but their principles can also be used in everyday conversation.
They do not offer certainty either. They only increase your chances of getting it right, and they work best where something can be checked.
Let the person tell their story
People who tell the truth have something to draw on, so they usually say more. In 2016, Aldert Vrij summed this up in one sentence: “People who tell the truth are often more detailed than liars.” Liars, on the other hand, say as little as possible, according to a CNN article. So the best approach is to ask an open question and let the other person talk, without interrupting and without prompting.
In the same CNN article, psychologist R. Edward Geiselman of the University of California, Los Angeles also pointed to the pace of speech. According to him, a liar may repeat the question and speak slowly to buy time, then speed up once the story is ready. “People who tell the truth do not significantly change their speech rate in the middle of a sentence,” he said. But this too is only a clue, not proof.
Add mental load
Lying is more demanding for the brain than telling the truth. A liar has to keep track of what they have already said, watch the other person’s reactions and still appear natural. In 2008, Vrij and his colleagues showed in the journal Law and Human Behavior that when people recounted an event in reverse order, from the end to the beginning, liars showed more signs of lying. Police officers who watched the recordings were then better at detecting lies.
In everyday conversation, less is enough. Ask about things the person could not have prepared for, such as what happened just before, who was sitting next to them or what the place looked like. Someone who experienced the event will answer even an unexpected question. Someone who made it up will start improvising, and gaps will appear in the story.
But make sure the conversation does not turn into an interrogation. Under pressure, even a person who has done nothing wrong becomes unsure, and their uncertainty can easily look like a confession.
Look for verifiable details
The approach developed by Galit Nahari of Bar-Ilan University in Israel together with Aldert Vrij of the University of Portsmouth is based on the idea that a liar wants to appear credible but does not want to mention anything that could be checked. So they talk about feelings, thoughts and general matters, while a person telling the truth mentions names, places, receipts or messages. According to Vrij, “people who tell the truth report more verifiable details than liars.”
In a 2017 experiment by Adam Harvey and colleagues involving 80 statements about insurance claims, this method distinguished true from invented statements in 65% of cases. When people first heard a model statement full of checkable details, accuracy rose to 90%. For personal life, the lesson is simple. It is not just how many details a person gives that matters, but whether they could be verified.
This does not mean you should check every claim your loved ones make. It is more about what to notice in a story once you already have suspicions.
Compare the story with what you know
In real life, a lie is usually not exposed at the moment it is told. In 2002, Hee Sun Park, Timothy R. Levine and their colleagues asked people to describe a lie they had once uncovered. Most of the accounts involved evidence or confessions, which came about sometimes through questioning and sometimes on their own. According to a 2015 summary of his work, Levine concludes from this that motives, evidence and confessions play a key role.
That is why an inconsistency with what you know is worth more than a nervous glance. If someone tells you they were at home all evening, but you actually saw them in town, you have something concrete to ask about. Ask calmly and without accusing them.
A foolproof guide?
Non-verbal communication can often be misleading. Even if you know all the tricks and tips for spotting a liar through it, you cannot take them at face value. A few calm follow-up questions will help, as they give you a concrete inconsistency you can ask about.
Sometimes intuition also offers a hint, but you cannot rely on it either. If you combine follow-up questions, verifiable details and what you know yourself, you have a better chance of getting it right. But none of the methods works 100% of the time, which is why it is better to ask than to accuse.
How to react when you find out someone is lying to you
Before you act, work out what kind of lie it is. A white lie about enjoying a meal is different from a lie about money, work or a relationship. With small things, it is often enough to let them go, but lies that harm you are worth addressing.
- Wait until you have calmed down. A conversation held in the heat of the moment ends in accusations, and the other person starts defending themselves instead of explaining.
- Talk about a specific inconsistency, not about the person’s character. Saying “Last week it sounded different, can you explain what happened?” works better than “You’re a liar”.
- Give them room to explain. An inconsistency can have an innocent cause, such as a mistake, a poor memory or a misunderstanding.
- Say what the lie did to you. For example, that you are losing your sense of security and need it not to happen again.
- Set a boundary. If the lying continues, say in advance what you will do, and then follow through.
If, instead of explaining, the other person tries to convince you that you are remembering things wrongly, or accuses you of being suspicious, be on your guard. It may be manipulation. We look at typical techniques in the article phrases and tactics of a manipulator, and at attempts to make you doubt your memory in the article on gaslighting.
When you suspect your partner is lying to you
A lie in a relationship hurts more than a lie from a stranger, because you usually trust your partner automatically. But once suspicion appears, everything starts to look like evidence. Coming home late, a shorter message or a glance away can then easily confirm what you fear. At such moments, the mind picks out only what fits the worry, and we write about these cognitive distortions separately.
So no single sign in this article proves infidelity or any other lie. A long-term pattern says much more: stories that do not add up, promises that are repeatedly broken, and explanations that change depending on what you happen to know.
Why you should not monitor your partner’s phone
Secretly going through a phone, reading messages or tracking someone’s location may seem like a quick route to the truth. In reality, you violate the other person’s privacy, and the trust between you suffers regardless of what you find. On top of that, the person who wanted to know the truth becomes the one keeping secrets.
If you feel you cannot cope without checking up on your partner, that in itself is a sign that the relationship needs an open conversation, or possibly professional help. We describe how to get rid of the need to check up on them in the article how to stop being jealous.
How to talk to your partner about it
Choose a calm moment when neither of you is in a hurry. Start with what you noticed, not with what you think it means. For example: “Last time we talked about the weekend, and yesterday it sounded different. Can we clear it up?” An open question leaves room for an explanation and does not judge anyone in advance.
The person who lies is responsible for the lie, not the person who was deceived. So there is no need to blame yourself for having trusted them. If lies in the relationship keep happening, your partner refuses to talk about them, or nothing changes after you talk, couples therapy or a psychologist can help. We explain when to turn to one in the article when to see a psychologist. You will find how to gradually rebuild trust in the article 8 tips for building trust in a relationship.
If the lies come with control, humiliation or fear of your partner, it is no longer just a matter of dishonesty. Read through the signs of psychological abuse and do not be afraid to seek professional help.
