Many women would like to know how to get into his head, how to keep his attention and how to make him miss them. You want to know how to make sure he thinks about you, too, don’t you? Sometimes it seems his attention is elsewhere, and your mind can easily jump to the conclusion that he is thinking about someone else. That kind of worry is only human, but jealousy won’t bring him closer to you. Ladies, this article is for you, with advice built on honesty, not tricks.
The short answer. A man usually thinks of a woman he felt good with all by himself, without any tricks. It helps to share specific experiences together, to end a conversation while you are both still enjoying it, and to have your own life between dates instead of waiting for his message. Playing hard to get may work briefly, but you cannot build a relationship on it. Showing him that you are interested is not a mistake. People tend to return the interest of someone who wants them in particular.
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7 tips for women on how to make sure he thinks about you
Do you long to know how to make sure he thinks about you? It is not as hard as it seems. It helps to think about how you communicate with each other and to radiate healthy self-confidence. However, no advice can give you a guarantee. So how do you make sure he thinks about you?
1. Spark his curiosity, or how to make sure he thinks about you
People are amazing when something catches their attention. If something intrigues them, they often can’t stop thinking about it. If you want your man to enjoy thinking about you too, take inspiration from how people stay curious.
Picture a scientist, for example. Thomas Edison was so absorbed in his inventions that he filed more than a thousand patents in his lifetime. That is remarkable eagerness, don’t you think? You could say he lived and breathed his work.
A common mistake that both men and women make when dating is that they simply reveal everything about themselves. To spark his curiosity, you don’t need to tell him everything straight away about yourself, so don’t overwhelm him. Does that sound strange? How can he fall in love with you if he hardly knows you? The answer is really quite simple: at the beginning, people often fall for an idea of the other person. They don’t need to know them very well to develop feelings for them.
Look at it this way too, and think back to your past relationships. Do you remember the last man you fell in love with? You probably didn’t know as much about him as you thought, yet you fell for him completely. Why a little mystery helps at the beginning, and where its limits lie, is explained below in the section Does it help if he doesn’t know where he stands with you?
You let yourself dive headfirst into an intense emotional relationship more often than you would like to admit. An intellectual relationship develops roughly in the months after you meet, once chemistry has formed between you. This is the period when you truly get to know each other.
Look back at your romantic past. You may spot a similar pattern. It often happens that you rush headlong into desire and then hastily jump into love to justify that desire.
2. Stir his desire for you
Give him room to look forward to seeing you. For this advice to make sense, it has to follow the first tip. If you do it with sensitivity, he may think about you between dates too. However, no method can give you certainty. Do you feel confused and annoyed? Does this sound like advice to manipulate him? It isn’t. But do any psychological tricks actually work to get under his skin? You will find the answer below in the section Does it help if he doesn’t know where he stands with you?
Honestly, everyone has wanted to know how to spark the interest of that special person at some point. I am no exception. And if you think only women think like this… Wrong! Men also struggle with how to make an impression and what to text a girl first to get her interested. That reminds me of my husband. He confessed himself that sending me a message after our first meeting felt like writing an essay. Who would have thought? So there you go, knowing how to make an impression and what to say to someone is not just a girl thing.
3. How to get into his head? Don’t give him everything at once
So how do you make sure he thinks about you? When you head out on a first date, don’t give him everything, so that he has room to wonder about more. If you start telling him your whole life story, overwhelm him with far too many details and answer every question without leaving anything mysterious, you will lose some of the excitement that belongs to the early days.
And first sex? The common advice is to save it for later. In our view, this is each woman’s own decision, because sex on a first date can sometimes move things along faster and sometimes do harm. It is very individual. Speaking frankly from life experience, if he is the right one, it doesn’t matter whether you jump into bed straight away or two months later.
Do you know the three-date rule? Who actually came up with it? Perhaps you remember “Sex and the City”? But isn’t the three-date rule just an illusion of restraint? When the right time comes depends only on the two of you.
And if you make him wait, isn’t there a risk he will find someone else? A man who would leave because of waiting is probably looking for something different from you. Would you want a man like that?
But waiting shouldn’t be a game. When you are ready is your decision alone, and a healthy relationship is built on honesty, not tactics. Feel free to tell him that you are interested in him and simply don’t want to rush.
Tip. When it comes to sex, try surprising him sometime and give tantric sex a go.
Does it help if he doesn’t know where he stands with you?
A little, but only at the beginning. In 2011, psychologists Erin Whitchurch, Timothy Wilson and Daniel Gilbert from the University of Virginia and Harvard showed female students profiles of men who had previously viewed their profiles. The women were most attracted to men when they didn’t know whether those men liked them a lot or only averagely. More so than to men they knew liked them a lot. However, the study only looked at women, and it did not show whether the same applies to men.
The authors themselves point out that the women made their decisions based on very little information, much like with a dating profile. The study says nothing about longer relationships. In our view, the only conclusion is that you don’t need to lay all your cards on the table on the first few dates. Deliberately being vague for weeks and months is another matter, and we write about that in the article feigned indifference as a dating tactic.
The Zeigarnik effect is also often mentioned in this context. In 1927, psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik described how people remember interrupted tasks better than completed ones, and this is used to justify the advice to end a conversation on a high. However, a 2025 meta-analysis by psychologists Ghibellini and Meier, which summarised experiments since Zeigarnik’s time, did not confirm a better memory for unfinished tasks. It only confirmed that people like to return to things they have left unfinished.
For dating, this means something simple. If you say goodbye while you still have plenty to talk about, you are both more likely to look forward to the next meeting. But it is not a magic lever on a man’s memory.
What is more likely to put him off
Surprisingly often, the very things you use to try to keep him. Playing hard to get, deliberately delayed replies or ignoring him as a tactic may create tension briefly. But the other person can easily read them as a lack of interest.
In a 2007 study, psychologists Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel of Northwestern University and their colleagues followed speed dating among 156 university students. Each took part in four-minute dates with nine to thirteen people of the opposite sex. The study showed the advantage of being interested in one particular person rather than in everyone. People who wanted a specific person more than the others were more often liked back by that person, while those who were keen on everyone came across as less attractive.
“Potential partners who seem unselective are clearly off-putting, and those who give the other person the magic feeling of being special are strongly attractive,” Paul Eastwick summarised the results in 2007. What this means for you is that it is fine to show him that you want him in particular. You don’t need to ration your interest or pretend you have plenty of other options. This does not contradict the research by Whitchurch and her colleagues described above. Uncertainty may work at most at the very beginning, but interest aimed specifically at him does no harm.
If you have read advice such as “make him wait” or “ignore him for a while”, take it with a pinch of salt. A healthy relationship is built on honesty and trust, not on who can stay silent longer. We describe how to build trust in the article how to build trust in a relationship. These things are more likely to put him off than silence.
- Deliberately provoked jealousy. Mentioning other men to make him try harder is more likely to damage trust. We explain why jealousy harms a relationship in the article on the toxic consequences of jealousy.
- Control. Questioning him about where he was and who with, or checking when he was last online. We describe where concern ends and pressure begins in the article on the most common types of manipulation in a relationship.
- Reproaches for a slower reply. Everyone has their own texting rhythm, and a few hours without a reply may mean nothing.
- Silence as punishment. Silence meant to teach him a lesson can easily be read as the end.
- Pretending. You can’t keep up fake interests and opinions for long, and he would fall in love with someone you are not.
Even without these mistakes, though, there is no guarantee he will want you. Interest cannot be forced. And if he doesn’t return your feelings, it doesn’t mean you did something wrong.
How to charm a man who is pulling away
Has the romantic feeling faded? There is a good chance it has been going on for a while. And you have probably noticed, haven’t you? Everyone notices the warning signs at a different time, and you may have spotted them before he did.
Even if you have only been seeing each other for a little while, you can sense when he is losing interest in you. In practice, you may be constantly on the lookout for anything that could undermine your relationship. Sometimes, though, a partner only realises what is happening when it is too late.
According to sociologist Michael Rosenfeld of Stanford University (2015), women initiate 69% of divorces in the USA. Married women also reported lower satisfaction with their marriage than married men. He found no such difference in break-ups among unmarried couples.
How do you charm a man who is losing interest? Do not respond by ignoring him in return. A calm conversation helps, ideally before the distance between you grows. Ask him how he feels in the relationship and what he is going through, and do not be afraid of his answer.
The longer a problem goes unspoken, the more easily feelings fade from the relationship. It helps to work out together what is going on and why he has lost his enthusiasm for the relationship. But you are both responsible for the relationship, not just you.
Tip. Also read the article How to save a relationship and when it is no longer worth it.
4. Notice differences in communication
You may have some of these ideas about communicating with men.
- “Men text all the time.”
- “Guys love chatting with their partner every day.”
- “Men love hearing every little detail of our story when we tell it to them at length.”
Well, this is exactly where communication patterns differ greatly, because the truth is often different. Some people grow closer through conversation, others through time spent together. Find out which applies to him.
For some people, communication is key to creating a sense of shared space and connection. For others, time spent together is enough, even if not much is said.
What can you take from this? Can you remember one of your own dates? Perhaps at some point you felt that “awkward silence”. You were nervous and a warning light was flashing in your head: “Oh no! What should I say, why is it quiet? I must be losing his interest!” Stay calm, and do you know why? He was simply there, seeing whether he could relax with you.
Do not panic when this happens. Silence on a date or a day without a message does not mean he has lost interest. But do not text him just to calm your own insecurity. A message written out of anxiety usually shows, and it will not change whether he is thinking about you.
This does not mean you should cancel planned dates or stay silent on purpose. Just ask yourself why you are actually texting him. Sometimes we text mainly to reassure ourselves that he is still in touch. And yes, we text knowing that we want to get a reply.
Before you text him, think about why you are doing it. If you are driven by desire or an urge to share something, go ahead. If you feel you are driven by anxiety and fear, try waiting a while before sending it.
How to make him miss you when you are apart
He will start to miss you once he has something to remember. So instead of another round of messages, plan something to experience together, such as a trip, a concert or cooking together. You will find ideas in the article where to go on a date and what to do there. You will both remember less from an ordinary sit-down in the same café than from a day that was different in some way.
Scent plays a part too. In 2004, psychologist Rachel Herz of Brown University compared memories triggered in people by the smell, the image and the sound of the same thing. Memories triggered by smell were markedly more emotional, though not more detailed. Perfume can work in a similar way. If you always wear the same one, even a stranger in the street may later remind him of you. For inspiration, see the article on perfume trends.
Nobody can say in advance when he will start to miss you. After several lovely dates it tends to happen sooner than after just one. But if he has not been in touch even after a week and you were the last to text, take that as your answer and do not push him with more messages.
How to keep him thinking about you in a long-distance relationship
At a distance, people think about each other differently, but not less. In a 2013 study, Crystal Jiang of City University of Hong Kong and Jeffrey Hancock of Cornell University asked 63 couples, some long-distance and some living close to each other, to record their daily interactions in diaries, producing 876 entries in total. Long-distance couples were in contact less often, yet they felt closer.
The authors found the explanation in two things. People at a distance confided more and idealised their partner’s behaviour more. “Long-distance couples try harder than geographically close couples to communicate affection and intimacy, and their efforts pay off,” Crystal Jiang said in 2013.
In practice, a regular but relaxed rhythm helps. An evening call, a video call at the weekend, a photo of a place you would love to visit together and, above all, an agreed next meeting. A set date for your next meeting that you are both looking forward to also helps.
Idealisation has a downside too. At a distance, it is easy to build an image that may not match reality once you spend longer together. So talk openly and early about how you picture the future and who might move. If a long-distance relationship is wearing you out rather than lifting you up, the article 15 signs that a relationship is not worth it may help.
5. Be yourself and do not worry about what others think
The simplest advice of all. If you want to learn how to charm a man, simply be yourself. Do not try to be someone you are not, and do not try to change to suit his interests. There is nobody else like you, so why would you try to be someone else?
PartnerBe2, a dating site with a personality testRegistration and the test are free, but sending messages is paid. The membership renews automatically, so note down the cancellation deadline straight after paying.Go to Be2 registration ›It is a constant struggle that many people find hard to break free from. But other people’s opinions may not matter as much as it seems. The only person you have to please is yourself. Make this your new mantra.
How do you get into his head and make sure he thinks about you? Stop worrying about what other people think and focus only on yourself. This shows him that other people’s gossip does not throw you off balance. Many men find that attractive.
6. Show your natural confidence and have your own opinions
It is the same old song. “Confidence is super sexy.” So bring out your strongest weapon and show your natural confidence.
Wear what you like and wear it with style, smile, make eye contact, simply be yourself and do not worry about what others think. Do not lower your standards, go after what you want in life, and he will see that you are strong and determined. Many men are drawn to these qualities.
If you nod along to everything and agree with everything, it can come across as downright off-putting. And you certainly do not want that, do you? Be attractive, have your own opinions and share them, but at the same time accept other people’s views as valid too. Express your own views on things without worry and do not be afraid to share them. This shows that you have opinions of your own and are not afraid to voice them.
7. Smile and do not forget the kiss
A smile. One of the most attractive things about people. Of course, not every day is a good day, and everyone has their moods. But when you smile, your whole face lights up and you show the world your joy in life. And that is real, natural beauty, which is very attractive. Simple advice, yet hard for many people to follow. “Smile when you have a reason to, and show that you enjoy life.”
A genuine smile works like magic. When you smile, you also signal to others that you are approachable. It can help you get noticed. This makes it easier to start a conversation with a man you like. Most people would rather chat with someone smiley than with a grump.
Are you already enjoying kisses? A long goodbye kiss can stay on his mind even on his way to work. When you have more time together, it can also be part of foreplay.
What to text him when you are already dating
Cannot be together in person? Try sweet and flirty messages that will keep him thinking about you. When it comes to getting his attention, the words you choose matter too.
If you want to score points and are not sure what to text him, take inspiration from these messages:
- “I don’t think anyone makes me laugh as much as you do. That’s amazing.”
- “I wish we were together, cuddling.”
- “Thinking about you brightens my day so much.”
- “I can’t sleep, you’re the only person I can think about.”
- “I’d love to curl up in your arms.”
- “Why do I smile like an idiot when you text me?”
- “I think our lips should meet as soon as possible.”
- “If you want to stop by my place tonight, it’ll be worth it.”
- “You make me smile.”
- “I’m blushing, even though you’re not even here.”
- “My bed is too big just for me, do you want to join me and keep me warm?”
- “I had such a good time yesterday. I wish every day were like that.”
What men think about after a date
Often about whether you liked him. After a date that went well, men and women ask themselves very similar questions. Whether to get in touch straight away, whether they will seem pushy and whether the other person wanted to continue as much as they did. That is why often neither of them gets in touch first, even though they both enjoyed it.
You can end this uncertainty yourself. A short message on the evening after the date saying you enjoyed it does nothing to make you less attractive. A man who liked it will be happy to reply and ask you out again. A man who replies half-heartedly or not at all will save you days of overthinking. You can find more on this in the article he is online and not texting.
What to text him so he thinks about you
The messages that work best are those linked to something you experienced together or something he told you. A general “I’m thinking of you” is sweet, but mentioning something specific shows him you really listened. Here are a few examples.
- After a date. “Thanks for today, I haven’t laughed like that in ages. I can’t stop thinking about that story with your brother.”
- When he crosses your mind. “I walked past that bistro you mentioned. We’ll have to try it out some time.”
- When he has a big day. “Fingers crossed for your presentation, let me know how it goes.”
- When you want another date. “That band is playing in the park on Saturday. Fancy coming?”
One message like this is enough. Don’t send several in a row and don’t expect a reply within a minute. If you want to make him happy, get inspired by compliments for men that don’t sound like clichés.
How to tell he likes you
The biggest clue is how he behaves on a date. He asks about things that concern you and follows up on what you told him last time. He pays attention to you rather than his phone, and he clearly enjoys talking to you.
Body language can also give you a hint, although a single signal proves nothing on its own. Turning his body towards you, longer eye contact or a smile when you arrive can also be ordinary politeness. It only makes sense when the signals keep repeating and match what he does. The article body language, how to tell someone likes you covers this in more detail.
Sometimes it seems he likes you, but he avoids you. This may be down to shyness, nerves, or he simply doesn’t want a relationship. You don’t have to guess. If you calmly ask him, without any pressure, whether he would like to see you, you will learn more than from weeks of watching. No online test will give you certainty either.
How to tell he is thinking about you
Telepathy aside, you can tell by what he does. He gets in touch on his own, not just in reply to your message. He remembers what you told him and asks how it turned out. He sends you a photo or a link because something reminded him of you. Above all, he suggests meeting again and follows through himself.
The opposite signal is when he only gets in touch late in the evening, takes days to reply to your messages and you are always the one planning the dates. A man like that may think about you now and then, but he is probably not after a serious relationship. We look at how to make sense of this in the article how to tell if he is just playing with me.
Final thoughts on how to make sure he thinks about you
In many relationships, sooner or later, either you, he or both of you start to feel bored in the relationship.
When boredom sets into a relationship, mutual appreciation can gradually fade from it. The nice things you used to do disappear, and with them the deep connection.
A simple rule applies. “A man has to value you for the relationship to flourish.” This works both ways, because without mutual appreciation in a relationship, it will hardly work the way you want it to.
As the saying goes: “People don’t know what they have until they lose it.” And that goes double for a relationship. So it is not just about how to make sure he thinks about you. It is just as important to have your own life, friends and interests, so that he won’t take you for granted. But you don’t need to deliberately make him afraid of losing you, a good relationship isn’t built on that.
And what about you? What helped you make him think about you?
